(This is a story Katie wrote for a class that is based on actual events. Please note that they were not under my supervision when this happened. The picture below was taken when there were around 4-5 years old. l to r: Jessica, Stephanie,and Katie)

License and Registration, Please


Gathered in a vibrant white kitchen, as the brutal sun seeps through the cracks in the windows, three girls, all around the age of eight, finally made the ambitious decision to spend this particular afternoon working a lemonade stand. Katie, the eldest and tallest of the three, stretched her pale, bony arms towards the top cabinet in search of some lemonade mix, while Jess looked on, nibbling on her chipped polished nails. Stephanie, the youngest, sat with her plump tanned body slumped in a white whicker chair, apparently quite perturbed that her idea to play hide-n-go seek was overruled by a pair of big meanies. When Katie announced that there is no lemonade mix in sight, Stephanie rockets out of her chair, making a snide remark about Jess and Katie’s ideas never working.
But, alas, there was some Arizona iced tea juice boxes in the fridge, so they squeezed each box, until it started to foam, into a clear pitcher. The pitcher wasn’t quite full, but with a little added tap water, it sure looked like they had enough iced tea to sell. Jess rummaged through the kitchen cabinets, flinging the crinkly bags of cool ranch Doritos, Fritos, and Vienna Fingers to Stephanie, who stumbles trying to carry everything.
All three sat outside, with the food and beverages on a plastic blue Playskool table, waiting for somebody to drive by. Their business started off with a bang; a tall blonde woman, dressed in jogging clothes, went by their lemonade stand while walking her dog, and it seemed as though the girls’ brilliant display of food and beverages helped the woman realize how parched she was. She bought two cups of iced tea for herself, giving the girls one whole dollar. The girls started getting excited with this whole concept of making money by selling food to strangers, and they have only been outside and have made some serious dough, that would have normally cost them two loose teeth. Perhaps strangers were a lot more generous than the tooth fairy.
It must have been lemonade season, because people were stopping left and right to buy some of the girl’s iced tea, but with success came an empty pitcher. By this time Katie and Jess, with George Washington on the mind, went inside, determined to find some more beverages to sell. Since there was no lemonade, and no more iced tea, the only thing they had to sell was their dad’s supply of Coca Cola that he keeps in the fridge in the garage. Katie took out all of the silver cans from the fridge, and passed them to Jess to put out on the table. Then she realized something: the cans didn’t say Coca Cola, they all said Coors light.
“Isn’t this beer?” Katie asked.
Jess replied, “Yeah, so we just can’t sell it to kids.”
Stephanie interjected, “Guys, I don’t think we should sell those. Can’t we get in trouble?”
Jess, looking really perturbed, gave Stephanie the evil eye, “Steph, you don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“Whatever. All we have to do is ask for their license and registration.” Katie said, trying to get the show on the road.
So the three girls haul two six-packs of Coors light to the table, right next to the Vienna Fingers, hoping that this new beverage will bring even more customers. But, whole minutes went by, and not even a single car drove down the street. Jess, Katie, and Stephanie started to lose hope, until they saw a sharp red convertible pull up towards them.
The driver, a buff but pimply-faced guy, asks, “What is that you’re selling?”
Jess said very professionally, “Umm, we have Doritos, Fritos, Vienna Fingers, and Coors light. Food costs fifty cents, and the beer costs one dollar each.”
The driver turned to his buddies in the car, and after a few unspeakable words were murmured, he said with a wide grin, “Can I have the rest of that beer?”
Katie put out her hand, “License and registration, please.”
The driver gave Katie a little floppy piece of plastic. She glanced at it for a millisecond, and then gave it back to him. The driver and his friends were obviously old, maybe even seniors in high school, so there was no point to really examine their license. One of the friends got out of the car and took the two six-packs and put them in the trunk of the car, and the driver gave Jess twelve bucks. The boys immediately drive away, yelling profanities for some apparent reason, but that didn’t matter one bit. All that mattered was the green paper in Jess’s hand. Twelve whole dollars! People that like beer that much really put the tooth fairy to shame.

It's that time of year again...

(PLEASE NOTE: I did not make the ornament pictured.) My friends and I have a little thing we do, its a Christmas Ornament Exchange. You make one for yourself and one for each of the gals. I usually get carried away and give more than one orament and this year will probably be no different. If they are simple ornaments, I give in bulk. I'm also usually ahead of the game so I have my ornaments done a year in advance. Michelle is busy with three ornaments that she is working on at once but she isn't going to share them all at once. DANG! I hate waiting, wondering what she has made. That is why I have decided to convince myself that she has made tampon ornaments. lol! For the record, I'm sure she hasn't but its more fun to pretend she did. lol, I need to get a life. That is why I am getting busy with next years ornaments....thanks to Sue. She sent me directions and an example of an ornament that I think is the cutest thing ever. I'm digging out my crochet needle and picking up a specific yarn this weekend. I have work to do.

If anyone has some ideas for me for future ornament projects, send them my way. I can always use a creative idea.

He's a funny guy

My Godson, Zach, is a real joker. Most of his stuff is a little off colored or just plain nasty...proof that he spends WAY to much time with his Uncle Allen, Dad, Brothers and their buddies. On our way home from Omaha he was sitting in the back seat, telling dozens of filthy jokes. Most of them I won't repeat on my site because, well, most of them should never be repeated unless you REALLY know your crowd. Here is the one that had the girls laughing so hard that it made me crack up just listening to them giggle. They were out of control, breathless with laughter.

There were three people in a plane, a teacher, a preacher, and an Army Private.
The teacher had an apple, the preacher had a bible and the Private had a granade.
When the plane passed over a town the all through out what they were holding. The plane landed and they three people discovered three children in their drop zone. Two of the kids were crying and one was histarically laughing. The teacher walks up to one of the children and asks him why he is crying. The Child says, "Because I was hit on the head by an apple." The Preacher askes the second child why he is crying. "Because I was hit on the head with a bible." The Private walks up to the last child and asks him why he was laughing. He said, "Because I farted and blew up the building behind me."


Yeah, that is probably his only clean joke.

Monster Bash Party Pooper

I didn't really celebrate Halloween this year. I didn't decorate, I didn't even bother to take a single tote out of the attic. I left the costume stuff up there, packed away, I didn't even buy a single Halloween decoration this year. Not a single thing. Sad, I know. I'm usually gung ho but not this year. I'm not going to decorate for Christmas either. Oh sure, I say that now....but I don't think I will change my mind. I will be leaving for home on the 22nd of Dec anyway, so my tree will die while I am away, plus the basement will be torn up while the repair the support issue in the exterior wall. Yep, so no holiday decorating for me. None at all. I didn't even carve a pumpkin. I did buy three HUGE pumpkins...they were really cheap too, but they were for Zach, Skeeter and my parents. You know, its hard to get excited about anything except that baby neice that my Sister is cookin' in her oven.

Vixen is on the loose...

Katie was one of Santa's naughty reigndeer over the weekend. Yes, she went as Vixen for Halloween. She started out with an entire costume on and somewhere over the span of the night, she lost the body suit and sported her red lace bra, but she did keep her belt on with the jingle bells attached. I guess a body suit is not "vixen" enough for a F & M Monster Bash. It makes me want to break out in song...

She's A Wild One By Faith Hill

They said change your clothes
She said no I won't
They said comb your hair
She said some kids don't
And her parents dreams went up in smoke

They said you can't leave
She said yes I will
They said don't see him
She said his name is Bill
She's on a roll and it's all uphill
She's a wild one
With an angel's face
She's a womans-child
In a state of grace
When she was 3 years old on her daddy's knee
He said you can be anything you want to be
She's a wild one
Runnin' free

She loves Rock and Roll
They said it's Satan's tongue
She thinks they're too old
They think she's too young
And the battle lines are clearly drawn
She's a wild one
With an angel's face
She's a womans-child
In a state of grace
When she was 3 years old on her daddy's knee
He said you can be anything you want to be
She's a wild one
Runnin' free

She has future plans and dreams at night
When they tell her life is hard she says that's alright
She's a wild one
With an angel's face
She's a womans-child
In a state of grace
When she was 3 years old on her daddy's knee
He said you can be anything you want to be

She's a wild one
With an angel's face
She's a womans-child
In a state of grace
When she was 3 years old on her daddy's knee
He said you can be anything you want to be
She's a wild one
Runnin' free

More shower pics, per request

(upper left)Dewey is a big kid himself, so its no wonder that kids are drawn to him. His neice and his bosses grand daughter spent lots of time on his lap. (upper right) l to r: Mom, Tisha, Dewey, and his Mom, Loretta. (Bottom left) Tisha and Dewey's baby pictures. The Elephants below are holding a baby elephant in their trunks. Tisha collects elephants so I bought that for the shower. (bottom right) We blind folded Dewey and Tisha fed him baby food. He didn't like the squash at all...but we were nice and had some desserts in there too, not just nasty veggies.
I took a bunch of pics but I was upset to realize that I took most of them on other peoples cameras....so I can't post all the good shots. Dang it. I'll get copies sooner or later.

Have you ever noticed....

Airport carpet is ugly. I don't care what airport you visit...their carpet is just the pits. Sure I know they put stuff down that is supposed to wear well and hid dirt, but come on! This is a picture of the carpet at the airport in Minneapolis. I was extremely tired and was staring at this wreck while I was waiting for my connecting flight to Omaha. I kept looking at it and thinking about how friggin ugly it was so I had to snap a picture to share it with the world. I figure if I was forced to look at this stuff...everyone else should suffer too. I was laughing at LaGuardia when I left New York. A guy was vacuuming the floor with a vacuum from the 70's. I swear my Mom had one just like it but in a different color. I was trying to figure out why he was even bothering, because it wasn't picking up any dirt. It couldn't have, because it wasn't even picking up the tiny bits of paper that looked like it came off of a spiral notebook paper. It was just making a lot of noise, trying to sound impressive. At 5AM, that kind of thing is annoying. I would have taken a picture but I was afraid in my state of mind I would have hurled the camera at the guy and told him he'd get more off that floor by licking it with his tongue. Hey, it was early and I had 3 hours sleep. What do you expect.

HEY, HOW'S THE FOOD!

LOL, I can't help it...I completely crack up when I look at this picture. Tisha looks repulsed...but really she was enjoying the food . Dewey had his cheaks full. He's still wearing the utility belt that we called his Diaper Duty Belt. It was stuffed with tons of important baby stuff, like diapers, wipes, pacifiers, rattles, rash ointment, you name it, it was there. He kept asking me if he could take it off yet and I was having fun, telling him to leave it on. I know, I'm evil. I'm still not sure why they were eating off their laps when we had tables set up. 

Like Mother, like Son...

I caught my Pop snooping out the front window. It's a small town but there is usually a lot going on if you know where to look. My Grandma Evelyn was big into looking out the window to see who was driving by or what the neighbors were doing. Her chair was always in a good window watching position and as she got older, she couldn't get around well, but she sure could stretch that neck and squint those eyes to see who was coming down the road.
Now if you ask my Pop, he will tell you that he was looking at his lawn. He's anal about crab grass. Zach, my Godson/cousin...Pops Nephew, told me to go in the house and say, "Man, you sure have a lot of Crab grass growing in the yard!" So I did. Boy, Pop got all worked up over that. Zach said that Pop was always spraying for crab grass. Hey, if it keeps my Pop out of trouble, I'm all for his current lawn fetish.
I think Pop was probably checking to see what his neighbor Jesse was up to. They are good buddies and live to give each other a hard time. If you want to keep ahead of the neighbors, you have to know what they are up to when they think you are not looking. 

Let's go on the Ferris wheel...

Well, they were 45 minutes late picking me up from the airport, but atleast I got a ferris wheel ride out of it. Long story...

I got off the plane and as I was walking to baggage claim I was looking for Deanna and the kids. I didn't see them anywhere and then I started to get paranoid. I just knew they were hiding behind something, watching me looking around for them...and they were laughing. Hey, I know them....and they are a lot like me....so, it made sense. Once I hit the bathroom, and picked up my luggage and I still had not spotted them I knew that they hadn't shown up yet. I got out my cell phone, called them and they said they got stuck behind some rock trucks in a construction zone and so the were held up. They would be there in 20 minutes. Fine, I went upstairs and bought a present for someone and then I went outside and waited. 20 minutes passed...no sight of them. Finally Zach called and said they were close and would be there soon. Another 20 minutes.....they finally showed up. The kids ratted on their Mother, explaining how she got lost and followed a hotel truck to the airport. In the end, it was Kelsie who spotted the sign for the turn to the airport. Anyway, when they pulled up I told them they were not getting a tip. Our first stop was to a HUGE sports store to get Zach sneakers for basketball. They had a ferris wheel there and I got suckered into riding on that thing with the kids while Deanna bought their stuff. Kelsie aka Skeeter insisted on riding with me so that meant that Zach and Kelsies friend Alyssa had to ride together. Let me just say, neither of them were to happy about that. Of course, I had to snap a picture of their dirty look while Kelsie was making kissing noises and saying things like..."Look at the lovers...Kissy, kissy! Keep your hands to yourself Zach!" Personally, I think Zach and Alyssa handled it pretty well...I would have kicked Kelsies butt the second we got off that ride, if I were them.
We went out for lunch, then hit a couple of stores. At Super Target I bought the kids these HUGE pumpkins for $2.99 each. We were sure they must be labled wrong because they were REALLY BIG pumpkins. They were so big that two of them took up the entire cart and the third one had to sit on the top of them. The cart was pretty hard to push too. We didn't have time to carve them....but I hope they do it before Halloween.

I'm off...

I leave the house at 3:15 AM for the airport. I'm starting my trip home for my Sister's baby shower. To top it all off...I've had a stomach bug and have not felt well for the last couple of days. Actually I'm starting to feel better but I'm not at 100% yet.

I'll see you when I get back.

uh....

chuckle, chuckle, snort, giggle.... OK, that is kind of gross and yet, I laugh. I can't help it. I have a dirty mind sometimes. I just love it when people take old pictures and add captions that suggest something perverted. One of these days I'm going to take some old family pictures and add captions for fun. Oh yes, and I know which picture I want to start with...so be warned....lol!

I miss the Tan M&M. When I was a kid, they didn't put Red M&M's in our pack. They had been pulled years before, because of something to do with the red coloring causing cancer or birth defects, I really don't remember exactly but it wasn't good. Then one day they figured out how to color it without killing their customers and Red was put back in the packages. The only problem was they got rid of Tan. The next thing you know, they added Blue. They had some kind of stupid online voting for the color they would add and blue won. I sure as hell didn't vote for Blue. You know, I miss old Tan. Sure he was bland but he melted in your mouth and not in your hand, just like the rest of the gang. He wasn't flashy and he didn't scream for attention but that was part of his charm.
They had a special addition package of M&M's a while back, perhaps they were Star Wars M&M's...I don't remember for sure, but I do know there were Tan ones in the package. Who was Tan hurting...nobody, so why pull him out of the package and replace him with Blue. It was just rude. Now you can special order any color M&M's you want. It kind of takes the fun out of it.
I bet you are wondering what got me on this subject in the first place. I was standing in line at the store and noticed a package of M&M's with all the other candy. I was reminded of my M&M eating habit. I eat all the same colors together in a certain order. Dark browns go first, followed by Blue and then Red...then I move on to Orange, then Yellow...then Green is last. It has always been like that...except when Blue and Red were not in packs and Tan took their place. Actually that is the order I eat plain M&M's if they are peanut, I reverse the Green and Yellow...Yellow is always last. Don't ask me why...I'm just strange. If they put Tan back in the regular packages, I would eat Tan last out of respect. Sheesh! Don't even get me started on how I eat Kit Kat Bars or Twix.

She's going to kill me but it has to be done.

 My Sister made me wear a full length black bridesmaid dress in July for her wedding...eleven years ago. I have never forgotten/forgiven. Hey, Nebrasky is friggin hot and humid in July! I've always thought I would play out my revenge by making her wear a baby pink dress if I got married. Frankly, I'm sick of waiting for that to happen...so I'm using this baby shower to my advantage. My sister is not one for girlie or cutesy stuff. Hehehe...I know it and so what do I do? I create a masterpiece of revenge...a lovely baby bear corsages. She's going to hate it,...and yet, she will be forced to wear it. YES, FORCED! She's going to say it makes her nauseous, just looking at it. I'm not falling for that, "I'm pregnant and things make me hurl for no reason." stuff. Nope! I will not be fooled! She will have to wear this monstrosity and if I ever do tie the knot...she WILL wear baby pink or maybe periwinkle. I'm thinking strapless, above the knee, in the middle of a Nebrasky winter. Mwahahahah....sometimes life is so grand that I can't stand it! 

Birdy go Boom...that had to hurt.

I was upstairs earlier and I noticed a funny smudge on the balcony sliding door window. I stopped and looked at it from a different angle and finally realized what it was.

You really couldn't see it that well during the day so I decided to try it later and what I got was kind of spooky looking.


The poor little guy...well, not little, it was a big bird and it hit that window hard enough to leave the a lot of feather dust on it. I'm happy to announce that the bird lived. Atleast, I couldn't find its body and it was in a place that a cat couldn't get to...so I think its safe to assume it lived to tell the other birds on the bay about its mighty battle with hurricane quality safety glass. It is kind of spooky looking...I should have saved the pictures for halloween and made up a story of a haunting by a bird. lol, nobody would have believed it anyway. Would you look at that beak! You can see the very tip of his beak...ouch!

I'd be embarassed too.

Someone is having their car worked on so they are borrowing the Honda so they can get to work. She came in, got the key and left. The next thing I know, she walked back in and and was calling my name, asking where I was. She came downstairs and asked me, "What's the trick to starting the car?" I said, "It won't start? That's strange. Did you have the clutch pushed all the way in?" The facial expression was priceless...if only I had had a camera...IF ONLY! She said, "OMG, I forgot it wasn't an automatic transmission!" With a nervous laugh she went up stairs saying how embarrassed she was, and I said not to worry about it, its an easy mistake. Honestly, if it were me, I would have felt pretty dumb too...its not the first time she has driven that car. I'm just happy that my day has not started out like that...today seems to be a good day so far.

Guess what I purchased today!?

Yes, Christmas is looming on the horizon... that is why I purchased my airline ticket home for the holidays. Yep, I dropped $437.12 on a ticket to visit the nut jobs in good old Nebraskie, aka FAMILY and FRIENDS. They would have you believe that I'm the one that drove them looney, but I'm here to tell you that I'm the only thing keeping them sane. I know, who'da thunk it! Anywhozits, It wouldn't matter if the ticket cost me a grand, I have to go home this year. I'm going to be an Auntie anywhere around Dec 4th...perhaps before, perhaps later. I'm hoping my sister crosses her legs and keeps that bun in the oven until I fly in on the 22nd of December. LOL, I think she will not be granting me my wish and I dare say, I don't blame her.
So, I have started my Christmas shopping because I want to have everything sent home before I fly in. I also need to figure out what day we are having the Kaster Christmas and where. Aunt Linda had mentioned an interest in hosting it this year. If not, Mom said she would have it on Christmas Eve (Sunday)because Tisha, baby and Dewey have to go to his Grandparents on Christmas Day. I told Mom they can go but the have to leave that baby with Auntie Nett. Mom said I have to share and that they have to see the baby too. RIGHT! Well, my feeling is that I have to fly in and won't get to see the baby in quite some time. They can put their butts in their car and drive down to see the baby so I one-up them. I win. End of story.

Our Kitchen contractor is a drama queen

OK, he doesn't smoke,wear wigs or cross dress...at least to my knowledge but never say never. It's just that he over reacts and gets everyone all worked up in to a tizzy. It's pissing me off, especially since it usually ends up being nothing. I mean, sure you can point out possible problems but don't run around with your head in your hands doing a chicken little dance, screaming, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" Geezus, I want to slap him and tell him to get a grip before he jumps off the deep end and pulls these guys with him. I have to live with them when they get all excited and start freaking out and frankly, I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.
Good news, the back of the house isn't falling off exactly. No, but picture this. The house has a slight capital "L" shape to it and the inside of the "L" is sinking, not because of the foundation...good news, but because of water damaged to the inside support beams. Easy enough, Just jack up the house an eighth of an inch and replace all the rotted wood, then add an extra support beam in that corner just for fun. DONE! He didn't believe out architect so he brought his own in and he told him the same thing that ours did. I'm standing there listening to the guys and our contractor kept saying, "Oh my God this is such a big deal"...ect, ect. His architect kept telling him that it wasn't anything special, its not something that requires a specialist, its a simple repair job and our contractor is not completely listening to him...so I finally had to say, Mike, cool your jets. Listen to what John is telling you. If you think you can't handle the job then I'll let Cliff and Nancy know and we will find someone else to do this and the kitchen." That shut Chicken Little right up. He's going to hate me by the time I get done with him and its not my fault.

Something funny is going on around here!

I was just outside. I was picking up the back yard which is littered with boat stuff. Life jackets, extra ropes, an oar here and there, its a real mess. Anyway I sat down on the edge of one of the lounge chairs to untangle some rope when out of nowhere this marble drops between my knees, just missing my head, hits the ground and bounces. I looked around, thinking someone was screwing with me but nobody was around. I'm going to assume that a sea gull grabbed the marble thinking it woudl taste good, but dropped it in flight, either in an attempt to open it up or it didn't taste good so he got rid of it. I know I do find oyster shells ,clam shells, crab shell parts scattered around the house, in bushes on the car and patio. The drop them and if they break they eat the goodies inside. I've always said sea gulls were rats with feathers and let me tell you, that little bastard should be thankful he missed me....there would have been hell to pay if I had a bump on my head from a marble. How do you explain that to people. It sounds like one of my Fathers stories.

Where the hell did it go! I JUST HAD IT!

This seems to be an ongoing theme in my life. I have a case of what I like to refer to as.."Did you move that?" Yes, because I swear, people move things on me just to watch me hunt for it for an hour. It's not fun. I don't enjoy walking through the house going, "Where the hell did I put the tape?" "I just had it before the phone rang!" "Did you see it?" "No seriously, are you plaing a prank on me?" "Give it back now, because if I find out you are pulling a fast one you will be in a lot of trouble." "Fess up now and you will get off with a dirty look and no revenge plotted against you." Then comes the dreaded......"Oh GEEZUS! Was it there the entire time? How could I over look that 50 times?"

In some ways I think it is better to just walk up the stairs and say,"What did I come up here for?", only to walk back down the stairs to remember. Sure its a pain in the butt but its less stressful than knowing what you are looking for and getting worked up about it because you just had it. Anyway, I'm just blogging because I was looking for my glasses...which I had 15 minutes ago....and I was hoping that I would remeber where I put them while I was doing something else. No such luck, so I'm off to search. Remind me that the next time I get new glasses, I need to pick BIG BRIGHT GREEN FRAMES...so I can see those bad boys from a mile away. Yeah, I know they won't match anything I wear, but matching is over rated.

Oh no....that's not good!

I received a photo from the 2006 Cat Show in NYC via email today. It was one of those emails that you open because it says a photo was sent to you from a friend, but it doesn't say which one. I knew it was either Chris or Raine because it was from the Cat Show. So, I open it and I see Chris immediately and for a second I think he went to the show alone....but then I see Raines forehead sticking up above the IAMS logo they put on the picture. My first response was shock, my second was nervous giggles and I rounded it out with a little anger. Seriously, if you were running a free photo booth at a cat show....as IAMS, you would know that you were plastering an add on the bottom. Don't you think you would take in account the people that are not blessed with height, like children or dainty ladies. I mean really! Come on now! I'm sure if they had known about this they would have switched places, atleast then you could have seen her face though the print. I'm going to email Raine right now. This is just wrong on so many levels. Sure I'm giggling but it still doesnt make it right. I'm just happy that these kind of things happen to other nice people too...not just to me.

Things that make me cry...

Sheesh, this is kind of embarrassing, but I'll tell you anyway. I was watching an episode of Little House on the Prairie while I was folding clothes. Yeah, it gets better....I found myself not folding and totally engrossed in the show with tears rolling down my cheeks and I was sobbing like a big baby. THERE! I admitted it! I was blubbering. I know, I was as horrified as you are, once I calmed down and blew all the snot out of my nose. I now proudly proclaim that I am pathetic.....pitifully pathetic.
So I thought I would make a short list of things that have made me cry in the not so distant past and that I am sure will trigger tears in the future.
~Little house on the prairie...especially the early years when Laura was young...and of course at the end when Albert was sick.
~Hallmark commercials and their made for TV specials...I'm not proud of it but atleast I don't blubber over those terrible Lifetime for Women shows. Sometimes the coffee commercials get to me and so do Christmas commercials.
~peeling onions
~email forwards about sick and dying children...so stop sending those things to me!
~After School Specials...remember those pathetic shows form our youth? They were terrible but I can't help it.
~hearing or seeing a friend or family member cry...its very hard for me, unless I made them cry on purpose and then its kind of funny. Joking, joking...sheesh.
~That Extreme Home Makeover Show...its those sad stories
~When people die in medical shows like ER or when Denny died on Grey's Anatomy.
~accidentally inhaling cream soda..trust me, that would make a lumber jack cry like a newborn baby.
~when my feelings are hurt by someone I thought was my friend.
~when someone says something about me that is so sweet and heartfelt.
~When I hurt myself, like when I open a cupboard door, bent down to pick up a can and smacked my head on the bottom of the door when I stood up quickly and almost caused myself to pass out as a result. I can take a lot of pain so it has to REALLY hurt.
~when I think about those I loved that have passed on
~hearing about people who have lost every worldly possession in a natural disaster.
~reading or watching the news
~when I break something that is sentimental...like the little ceramic kitty that I got from Mrs Barr.
~laughing so hard I snort and can't catch my breath.
~pulling a bandage off my skin...don't laugh, it hurts
~sliding off the seat and landing on the bar of a bike...OUCH, I thought I was going to die.
~doing something loud and embarrassing, usually in a public place and involving pain...like falling down the bleachers in JR high, or falling on my butt in front of Penn Station in NYC....but the tears are usually from laughing out of embarrassment. This one tends to happen to me a lot.
~getting dirt, sand, soap, an eye lash, or someone else's finger in my eye....that never feels good.
~poking myself in the hip with the pencil I'm holding in my hand, causing a small gray scar from where the tip punctured my skin. That takes a special kind of talent, people.

I'm sure there are more...but I'm tired and my eyes are watering so its time to go to bed. OHHHH ~being overly tired causes me to cry...add that to the list.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Today is my Dad's 58th birthday...but he acts like he's 10 most of the time. Is swear that man is full of it....yes, FULL of it and you know what the "IT" is that I am refering to. He was telling me a story and its always a toss up with him. Sometimes his stories sound like something he made up and they tend to be true in those instances...then there are times that they could be plausable and that is usually when he's pulling your leg, but you have to be careful because he will switch it up on you. Basically, if you want to retell his stories, you have to add a disclaimer....I heard it from Allen....so everyone knows its a tight rope walk. Anyway, He starts out his story with this, "Jesse doesn't have any tennis shoes, we need to start a fund, pass the hat for him." OK....so I have to ask. "Why doesn't he have any tennis shoes?" To which Pop replies, "Well we went coon hunting on Saturday night without guns, we just took a fishing net." So then I have to ask, "Why the hell would you do that? Were you trying to get a coon so you could teach the new coon dog pup how to hunt them?" Yep, that was the deal. So, It turns out that they got a big boar raccoon. They were trying to get him into a dog box so they could take him home to the pup and let all the dogs loose on him at the same time. They were having some trouble getting him into the box, and Jesse was trying to get him in by taking a few little kicks without getting scratched or bit. I know, it sounds mean...and to me...it is. I like Raccoons. Anyway, that boar got loose, while Jesse was taking a kick and it took his shoe off his foot. The coon took off with the shoe and Jesse ran after it...the coon ran under the truck and Jesse ran into the corner of it, because as Dad pointed out, "Jesse was to tall to run under it." SHEEEESUS! At this point I'm rolling my eyes, asking myself how I could be related to these nuts and why I don't deny it. Then Dad tells me how they got two coons tree'd and they crawled into a hole in the tree. Jesse climbed the tree trying to figure out how to get them out of the hole. Dad told him to just reach in there and grab its tail and pull it out. Jesse said, " I can't do that, he'll fall right on me." To which I said, "Dad, did you tell him that that coon wasn't going to sit on his lap and take in the view." Dad said,"Those guys don't listen to what I have to say very often." I WONDER WHY!? lol. Finally Billy told Jesse to get down and he'd climb the tree and get them out because ofcourse, Billy is a stud. So, long story short, they went home without a coon and a shoe. Seriously, I don't know how much of that is true...but knowing those idiots, probably most of it.
Then Dad was telling me how he was thinking of collecting the dark red/purple maple leaves that blew into his hard from the neighbors across the street. ANOTHER JESSE...so this could seem confusing, but its not Cousin Jesse this time. Anyway, Dad was going to write the neighbors initials on the leaves and hand them back to him and say they must be his. Knowing Jesse, when he said they weren't, Dad was going to say, "Well, they have your initials on them." But Dad said he saw Jesse yesterday and yelled across the street to him that some of his leaves werein his yard...to which Jesse yelled back, "Yeah, I dropped those off for you earlier this morning." lol....they have way to much fun together. They are quite the pals these days. I'm not sure that is such a great idea. Dad is a bad influence....lol, I mean, seriously, look how I turned out. Mom swears she had nothing to do with it.

OMG, Jean is going to kill me....lol

I can't look at this picture without snorting with laughter. If Jean knew I posted this she would kill me.....so shhhhhh, don't tell her. Katie will laugh, she will laugh with pure evil in her voice. That is why I keep her around.


WE had to drop off some unused products that can't be put in the garabage because they are toxic to the enviorment. Twice a year the Town of Hempstead has a STOP day where you pull up, they take all your garden chemicals, unused paint supplies, misc crap off your hands and they dispose of it in the proper fashion. Well, we had the stuff in the back of the van and after sitting in line for over an hour the fumes must have been getting to us. We were getting a little silly. We had to keep the windows down so the smell wasn't over powering but as we got closer to the drop off site the odor outside the van was worse...or as Katie described it, "It smells like ass out there!" Indeed she was right.
As for the picture....It started off with Katie taking random shots of Jean and They were not very good pictures so Jean told her if she wanted bad pics she would give them to her. At some point I took the camera and got them both in prime form. This is kind of the way the Leaches look when you don't feed them what they like...lol. Its a good thing that they are not mean people....because they look quite scary sometimes.

Interesting..

Well, by the looks of this visual aid, I now know why Sam doesn't like going shopping with me. I do cover that much ground, but I don't spend that much money....though I probably come close at Christmas. Hey, I can't help it. I'm a looker...and I never buy clothes without trying them on. There is a system to my madness.