I've got the goods on Old Santa

I wonder if Mrs Claus knows what Old Santa has going on up at the North Pole. That sure isn't a flag he has hanging off his peppermint striped pole, nope it sure isn't. It's amazing that an old chunky man in a furry red and white suit could talk so many women into doing a little pole dance for Santa and his elves. I guess I am a little relieved that he has a big interest in the gals...cause lets face it, he sure likes having kids sit on his lap and normally that would be a giant warning flag.

Now the question is, what should I do with this new knowledge? Should I exploit the situation and reap the pay off on Christmas Eve, only to be on the " coal in the stocking" list forever or should I hand over the pictures and stay on Santa's "nice" list. I mean, I really don't want to break up the Claus' happy home. Where would all the Elves go to live after Mrs Claus punts Santa out on his butt for getting lap dances when he was supposed to be in the toy factory, inspecting the merchandise. You know, I have a feeling that Grandma got run over by a reindeer because she knew to much.

Things that put me in the MOOD...

(for Christmas) I realized I had to stress that last part because I have a lot of dirty minded friends and relatives. I wouldn't have it any other way either. lol.

It's a known fact that I am a jolly person. Actually my sister told me that I was so F$#*ing jolly that I made her sick. Well, OK, it was July and I was singing a Christmas song. I'm a sucker for a good X-mas tune....plus they are easy to remember the words to....and that is important when singing or so they tell me. Hey, I sang, "Give me the Beach Boys and save my soul, I wanna get lost in your Rock and Roll" for years before I realized it was "Give me the beat, boys....or Give me a beat, boys....don't ask me, I just make up new lyric as I go along anyway. Shoot, I also sang, "I want a Harley tonight, a Harley, I'm sure"...instead of "I want to Party tonight, a party I'm sure." I'm still not sure why my parents ever allowed me out of the house and to mingle with normal people.

On with my short list. Things that mean Christmas to me: ( in no specific order)

~Christmas songs but most specifically The Beach Boys Christmas Album. That sucker reeks Christmas...and lets face it, who can't get a groove on while singing "Little Saint Nick," come on people its a classic. Oh yeah, Burl Ives gets me excited too. My favorite song to sing is Silent Night. Its the first song I ever sang in a school Christmas concert....I just remember being a kindergartener and singing, "Silent night, holy night All is calm, all is bright Round yon Virgin Mother and Child Holy Infant so tender and mild Sleep in heavenly peace Sleep in heavenly peace. I thought it was the pretties song ever and all these years later it still makes me a flutter with joy.

~My Mom's butter press cookies. The are good when I make them but for some reason Mom's are better and when she makes them they have no calories, they make you smarter and for some unknown reasons they make you behave like a squirrel. You find yourself hiding them all over the place so other people can't snatch them and so you will have some left for a mid winter snack.

~Christmas decorations...tree ornaments specifically. I have enough ornaments for several trees but I feel that I must shove them on one tree. I like to have a big tree with lots and lots of crap on it and by crap, I mean my treasures. Each ornament has a story. If I ever won the lottery, a large chunk of my winnings would go toward holiday decorations. I'm serious. Plus I love the annual Christmas Ornament Exchange that I have with my gal friends from High School. That is a high light of my holiday experience.

~My family. I love and adore each and every one of the nut cases. I miss the days when everyone got together and all hell broke loose, but only in the best possible sense of the word. When I was a kid, our Uncles and Aunts were all young and had lots of energy. I remember laughing and joking around...that was heaven on earth for a child. Shoot, even if there had been no presents, just being with the whole family was the best gift on earth. They have given me the best memories a girl could ever wish for and for that reason alone, I am blessed.

~I love giving gifts and wrapping them up and passing them out. The problem is that I do this all year long. That is why the people at the Post Office know me by name. Seriously, I'm a wrapping paper snob too. I like the thick paper that is crisp and expensive....ribbons and bells and bows. I should own stock in Scotch Tape.

~Snow...lots and lots of glissening snow...and if we can't have that, then I'll take really cold weather. The kind of weather that chills you to the bone, so you are incline to stay indoors with a cozy cup of hot chocolate, a fuzzy blanket and a good book or good company that makes you snort when you laugh.

~the sound of sleigh bells and crunching snow....awww, that is the best. Throw in the smell of a fire burning in the neighbors fireplace...yeah, that's nice.

~Watching "Its a Wonderful Life" cause "every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings"....and when Clarence gets his wings it reminds me of my Grandpa Clarence...who has his wings too. Sometimes I catch myself shouting "ZUZU's Petals!" for no reason in particular. I've even been prone to sing, Buffalo Gals, Won't you come out tonight..." It's just my favorite movie. Sure I love to watch the other Cartoon Christmas specials like Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman....or even It's a Charlie Brown Christmas but nothing compares to Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed dancing on the gym floor as it opens over the pool. Now that is good entertainment.

BY THE WAY...I'm decorating for Christmas this year after all. The construction isn't happening until March so that means I am free to get all my crap out of the attic. How excited am I?!

How to be EVIL in an IM away message:

redbudgirl0 (11/27/2006 8:26:37 PM): Have I got somethings to tell u
redbudgirl0 (11/27/2006 8:26:44 PM): BUZZ
redbudgirl0 (11/27/2006 10:07:55 PM): u r missing out on good gossip juicy
redbudgirl0 (11/27/2006 10:10:34 PM): BUZZ

FOR CRYIN" OUT LOUD! Don't type something like that and then not tell me what I'm missing out on. That is just wrong on so many levels.

I can do it, I can do it.

I've been a busy camper. I created a ladder scarf with yarn lace. I think that is what they call it. Not bad for my first try at knitting. I'm making a couple more in different colors because I think I have figured out how to make the stitches look neater, although its one of those free for all, twisty, turny kind of designs...anything goes. I know have the knitting bug. Although techincally this pattern doesn't include a single purl stitch...but I know how to do it. After I make a couple more scarfs like this, I'm going to try the basket weave purse. It looks simple enough and it the DVD says its a beginners pattern. More updates to come... 

Bringing "bite me" to a new level...

My dear friend Raine gave me these slippers socks. They are just strange, boarderline scary. I'm sure some guy with a foot fetish will enjoy this, especially the guy that likes to lick and suck on peoples feet. I'm sure if he could fit a whole foot in his mouth like these slippers, he'd try, but he's not doing that with my feet. I love the earrings, nice touch and the big green eyes with BLUE eye shadow. Atleast the tips of my toes will be warm with the monster fur hair that it sports for hair. I know you want them. Who wouldn't want a pair of slipper socks like this! Well, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but they are MINE, ALL MINE. If your friends really loved you...they'd give you your own pair too. 

Knit, knit, knit to my hearts content....

One of my dear friends sent me a DVD a while back. It was a "How To" for knitting. I kept looking at it and telling myself that I would work on it...eventually. Well Eventually came knocking on my door last night and like a nutjob, I answered it. So I figured out how to cast on. I figured out how to do the knit stitch the english way. Tonight, if I'm not to tired...I will attempt to purl. Now, my Mom showed me all this years ago....but I remember ziltch. That sounds pretty typical to me. Anyway, wish me luck. Once I get this down, I'm going to try one of the projects that they teach on the beginners DVD.

It's not easy...

I tried to call my parents for 45 minutes....busy signal....busy signal...busy signal! Now, most of the time, I'm the only person that forces them to stay on the phone for any length of time. When I finally got ahold of them, I found out what happened. Dad usually talks on the phone in his "dungeon" aka the basement room Mom allows him to claim as his own. Well, he was upstairs and because he wasn't on his "nest" aka sofa in the "dungeon"... he was out of arms reach of the phone base and didn't hang up the phone like he normally would. You see, if you hang it up on the base it ends the call. If you don't hang it up, you have push END. (I doubt he could even find the button without his glasses on.) So Dad was upstairs and basically left the phone off the hook for almost an hour because the phone base upstairs isn't located within an arms length. The funniest part is why he ALWAYS hangs the phone up when he is on his nest. It's so he doesn't confuse the phone for the TV remote. Sounds to me like that had happened several times. Figures! That is my Pop for you.

See what happens...

 It's never a good sign when I get bored and start goofing off. Especially when I'm tired. I get a little loopy. 

Another relative in the hospital?!

I don't think I should go home for the holidays after all. I just found out that my Godson/Cousin, Zach has been in the hospital after he fell on a basketball and as a result his spleen was bleeding. Rumor has it he was actually screwing around and balancing on the ball when he fell...but that is just a rumor. I hear that he is going to be released from the hospital tomorrow, so he is doing really well. No ball for him for a while though. I wonder if they put him in a room with Uncle Jim, that would have been fun.

Ahhh, that's better.

My Cousins daughter, Danielle, took a picture of herself to show off her new black hair. The only problem was that the flash made it look like she had no nose. It bothered me so I added one. Then her top lip was basically nonexistant so I erased her bottom lip and added a new mouth. I think it looks a lot like her now. Plus it isn't so scary. I have several other pictures that I did of her...but they were out of control. This is much better. I sure hope she likes it.

That's how I feel

I'm tired. I'm bored. I could use another nap. Yeah, I took a half hour nap thinking it might pep me up. No such luck. I just want to take another one. I'm not going to because it would only make me feel worse. I was sitting at the table, reading the paper and my eyes started to flutter. Why the hell am I so tired today? I went to bed at a decent time last night, I slept well. OK, I did have two strange dreams but after I woke up I drifted back off again. Maybe its because this was the first day in weeks that I didn't have guys working on something around the house. You have to stay on your toes when you have guys cutting holes in the walls. They get cocky and put them in bad spots when you are not looking. What do they care, its not their house, they don't have to live here. So, I have tried to start working on some projects to keep me going....but its not working. I feel like sitting on the sofa with a big cozy blanket and watching TV for hours. I won't let myself do that because there are to many things I could be doing instead...but its tempting.

Double Whamo

Today is Cousin Cindy's birthday and I never really thought about it but she shares this day with one of those dirty minded Canadians I pal around with sometimes.

So Happy Birthday to both of them. Atleast I know Cindy will behave herself because she is recovering from surgery. As for Mackintosh, I'm pretty sure there is no hope for him to ever behave.

A day in NYC...

I spent most of Sat with some Great friends. I went in to see Raine and Chris. We had planned to go to the Brooklyn Art Museum but Raine was kind of tired and suffering from allergies so we decided to go to the MET and bum around Central Park. We ate lunch at the Museum and ofcourse I made the big mistake by not getting hot chocloate. I had a sip of Chris' and it was amaizing....I mean it was to die for. Really, it was GOOOOOD. Dang. We walked around the park, sat on a bench for a while and chatted. I handed Chris my camera and he took some pretty pictures (upper left and lower right) then he did a group shot of us...(upper right) and later we sent him off to play with a soccer ball he found sitting in the grass all alone. I joked that having a husband is like having a kid. You feed them, give them activities to drain their energy so they will crash, sleeping early so you can get some peace and hopefully get a lot done. After Chris was done playing we hit the book store and then we went to Alice's Teacup for tea and yummies. I had hot chocolate in the hopes that it would be delish like the h.c. at the MET. Bummer...it wasn't but the Chai Tea was great as well as the pumpkin scones, White Rabbit Chocolate Mousse and the little BLT's. It makes me feel full just thinking about it. After that we went to the movies where we watched The 3D version of Tim Burton's Nightmare before Christmas flix. I was home by midnight. You know, its always great to spend time with friends. I'm always happy to do fun things with them but I would of had just as much fun if I was helping them do laundry. They are the best. Period, end of story. 

Things that sting in the night.

OK, so Sam was in bed last night and he heard a buzzing sound. He assumed it was a fly and covered his head with his blanket and then BOOM he was stung on the arm. It seems he had a yellow jacket loose in his room. Not good, not good at all. Well he slept in the living room last night because he was freaked out about it. He'll admit that he has an irrational fear of bees and wasps anyway.
Come to find out he has been hearing a strange sound above his bed for a few days. He also noticed a new crack in the ceiling but didn't really think much of it. He said he was going to mention it to me but forgot about it. Anyway, he told me all of this after the fact. I went in his room to investigate. I found another yellow jacket in the hall and one in his room. I killed them both. Then I was trying to figure out where they were getting in when I noticed the crack on the ceiling...but it was funny looking to me. I stood on his bed and with my fingernail, tapped the crack mear the area that looks like a hole. BAD MOVE, a yellow jacket dive bombed me and I took off like a bat out of hell, shutting the door behind me. I promptly called the pest control specialists. This funny little guy came out, investigated the crack and listened to my story. He said I was luck that I didn't push on the crack because my hand would have gone right through the ceiling. The nest was directly above that hole. They had dug into the drywall looking for warmth. He smoked them and then spayed them from above with a powder.
The crazy thing is that they air conditioner guys were up in the attic for days and never saw a single yellow jacket. Brian said if he had, he would have mentioned it because he is allergic. MAN! That would have been amess if he got stung. Luckily, the wasps were below the spray insulation and they were in the tight corner....plus they were entering and exiting though the siding on roof line, far from the A/C guys. Sam has to sleep in his old bedroom (he moved to the larger room when his Sister graduated from College) and who knows, he may never go back. He has serious issues with those bad boys. I don't blame him. I was only stung once in my lifetime but once was enough. 

Sending a box full of love....

My Cousin Cindy had a partial hysterectomy today and from what little I have heard, everything went really well. Hugs to Cindy! Fell better soon Cousin!

Then I heard that our Uncle Jim has had a turn for the worse. His brothers had to haul him to the hospital against his will. That man is so stubborn. Everyone has been trying to get ahold of Uncle Gary but the phone isn't working. I have IM's and phone messages out so hopefully he will call my parents ASAP. Anyway....Let's cross our fingers and send out well wishes to Jimmy too.

Look what I found...

This sucker is huge...HUGE...and I found her sitting on the floor in the basement bathroom. Not something you want to find looking at you in the morning. It's a Camel Cricket. I had to look that up because I had never spotted a cricket that color or that large before. I should have put a quarter down to show you how big she was, but I wasn't really in a state of mind to add props so I just scooped her up in a jar and tossed it outside on the deck table. She was quite a hopper. Anyway, I was nice and let her go but honestly I was tempted to squash her. If she makes her way back in the house, she's dead. You know its been said that Crickets are a sign of good luck. Do you think this means I should buy a lotto ticket? Hmmmm. 

COOKIE!

Things have been crazy around here. The A/C guys have been making a mess throughout the house, the guys that are fixing the support issue in the wall are drilling, the guy that fixed our roof cap was dinking around....its been BUSY, which explains my lack of posting. Well, on top of everything, Sam's birthday was on Wednesday and I had to decorate the kitchen, pick up balloons, get a cake, buy his presents from me and several others, wrap them, keep them hidden and try to keep some things a suprise. I even made him a giant cookie that I decorated. I think he liked the cookie more than his cake. Go figure. I have to admit, it was goooood. If you want to make one, use the recipe I posted on the Chat and Chew site, but cut it in half. I'm very sad that everyone ate the WHOLE thing....I just wantone more little nibble.

They broke the mold....

HowManyOfMe.com

There is: 1 person with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Yep, yep, yep....and I think one of me is more than enough for the world to handle, let alone the country.

(This is a story Katie wrote for a class that is based on actual events. Please note that they were not under my supervision when this happened. The picture below was taken when there were around 4-5 years old. l to r: Jessica, Stephanie,and Katie)

License and Registration, Please


Gathered in a vibrant white kitchen, as the brutal sun seeps through the cracks in the windows, three girls, all around the age of eight, finally made the ambitious decision to spend this particular afternoon working a lemonade stand. Katie, the eldest and tallest of the three, stretched her pale, bony arms towards the top cabinet in search of some lemonade mix, while Jess looked on, nibbling on her chipped polished nails. Stephanie, the youngest, sat with her plump tanned body slumped in a white whicker chair, apparently quite perturbed that her idea to play hide-n-go seek was overruled by a pair of big meanies. When Katie announced that there is no lemonade mix in sight, Stephanie rockets out of her chair, making a snide remark about Jess and Katie’s ideas never working.
But, alas, there was some Arizona iced tea juice boxes in the fridge, so they squeezed each box, until it started to foam, into a clear pitcher. The pitcher wasn’t quite full, but with a little added tap water, it sure looked like they had enough iced tea to sell. Jess rummaged through the kitchen cabinets, flinging the crinkly bags of cool ranch Doritos, Fritos, and Vienna Fingers to Stephanie, who stumbles trying to carry everything.
All three sat outside, with the food and beverages on a plastic blue Playskool table, waiting for somebody to drive by. Their business started off with a bang; a tall blonde woman, dressed in jogging clothes, went by their lemonade stand while walking her dog, and it seemed as though the girls’ brilliant display of food and beverages helped the woman realize how parched she was. She bought two cups of iced tea for herself, giving the girls one whole dollar. The girls started getting excited with this whole concept of making money by selling food to strangers, and they have only been outside and have made some serious dough, that would have normally cost them two loose teeth. Perhaps strangers were a lot more generous than the tooth fairy.
It must have been lemonade season, because people were stopping left and right to buy some of the girl’s iced tea, but with success came an empty pitcher. By this time Katie and Jess, with George Washington on the mind, went inside, determined to find some more beverages to sell. Since there was no lemonade, and no more iced tea, the only thing they had to sell was their dad’s supply of Coca Cola that he keeps in the fridge in the garage. Katie took out all of the silver cans from the fridge, and passed them to Jess to put out on the table. Then she realized something: the cans didn’t say Coca Cola, they all said Coors light.
“Isn’t this beer?” Katie asked.
Jess replied, “Yeah, so we just can’t sell it to kids.”
Stephanie interjected, “Guys, I don’t think we should sell those. Can’t we get in trouble?”
Jess, looking really perturbed, gave Stephanie the evil eye, “Steph, you don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“Whatever. All we have to do is ask for their license and registration.” Katie said, trying to get the show on the road.
So the three girls haul two six-packs of Coors light to the table, right next to the Vienna Fingers, hoping that this new beverage will bring even more customers. But, whole minutes went by, and not even a single car drove down the street. Jess, Katie, and Stephanie started to lose hope, until they saw a sharp red convertible pull up towards them.
The driver, a buff but pimply-faced guy, asks, “What is that you’re selling?”
Jess said very professionally, “Umm, we have Doritos, Fritos, Vienna Fingers, and Coors light. Food costs fifty cents, and the beer costs one dollar each.”
The driver turned to his buddies in the car, and after a few unspeakable words were murmured, he said with a wide grin, “Can I have the rest of that beer?”
Katie put out her hand, “License and registration, please.”
The driver gave Katie a little floppy piece of plastic. She glanced at it for a millisecond, and then gave it back to him. The driver and his friends were obviously old, maybe even seniors in high school, so there was no point to really examine their license. One of the friends got out of the car and took the two six-packs and put them in the trunk of the car, and the driver gave Jess twelve bucks. The boys immediately drive away, yelling profanities for some apparent reason, but that didn’t matter one bit. All that mattered was the green paper in Jess’s hand. Twelve whole dollars! People that like beer that much really put the tooth fairy to shame.

It's that time of year again...

(PLEASE NOTE: I did not make the ornament pictured.) My friends and I have a little thing we do, its a Christmas Ornament Exchange. You make one for yourself and one for each of the gals. I usually get carried away and give more than one orament and this year will probably be no different. If they are simple ornaments, I give in bulk. I'm also usually ahead of the game so I have my ornaments done a year in advance. Michelle is busy with three ornaments that she is working on at once but she isn't going to share them all at once. DANG! I hate waiting, wondering what she has made. That is why I have decided to convince myself that she has made tampon ornaments. lol! For the record, I'm sure she hasn't but its more fun to pretend she did. lol, I need to get a life. That is why I am getting busy with next years ornaments....thanks to Sue. She sent me directions and an example of an ornament that I think is the cutest thing ever. I'm digging out my crochet needle and picking up a specific yarn this weekend. I have work to do.

If anyone has some ideas for me for future ornament projects, send them my way. I can always use a creative idea.

He's a funny guy

My Godson, Zach, is a real joker. Most of his stuff is a little off colored or just plain nasty...proof that he spends WAY to much time with his Uncle Allen, Dad, Brothers and their buddies. On our way home from Omaha he was sitting in the back seat, telling dozens of filthy jokes. Most of them I won't repeat on my site because, well, most of them should never be repeated unless you REALLY know your crowd. Here is the one that had the girls laughing so hard that it made me crack up just listening to them giggle. They were out of control, breathless with laughter.

There were three people in a plane, a teacher, a preacher, and an Army Private.
The teacher had an apple, the preacher had a bible and the Private had a granade.
When the plane passed over a town the all through out what they were holding. The plane landed and they three people discovered three children in their drop zone. Two of the kids were crying and one was histarically laughing. The teacher walks up to one of the children and asks him why he is crying. The Child says, "Because I was hit on the head by an apple." The Preacher askes the second child why he is crying. "Because I was hit on the head with a bible." The Private walks up to the last child and asks him why he was laughing. He said, "Because I farted and blew up the building behind me."


Yeah, that is probably his only clean joke.