Ugh!

I was called for Jury Duty again. This time it wasn't County it was for Federal. You know what that means? It means I had to call in everyday for two weeks in case I was called in for the next day. So every evening at 5PM, I picked up the phone, called the 800 number, listened to the recording and entered the correct numbers when prompted. For two weeks I couldn't make any plans for the week because who knew when or if I'd be called. I find this kind of thing stressful. Luckily the weekend between my two weeks was the 4th of July weekend. I'm sure they were not bulking up their case loads and that a lot of judges were taking off for long weekends. Works for me. Oh sure, if I would have had to report, I would have. I would have done my duty and basically whatever I had to do....whether I liked it or not. The girls loved it when I called in to see if I had to serve. Skippy made me put it on speaker phone so she could listen too. When I didn't have to report the next day, they'd jump around and cheer. I guess its good to know that they want to keep me around.

Whatcha reading?

I read a lot. No, not just magazines and blogs. I read real books. I know, shocking, isn't it. Well, I read and I enjoy it. Sometimes I'll grab some fluff that I fly through at the speed of light. That's just a guilty pleasure. You know, its the kind of thing you are embarrassed to admit to...like watching Jersey Shore. Don't judge me! If I don't watch it, I'll never know what everyone is talking about the next day.
Anyway, I have been on a book bender. The last six books I finished..in the last month are as follows:

In paper back:
American Wife by Curtis Sittenfeld
Major Pettigrew's Last Stand by Helen Simonson
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer
and Annie Barrows
On my Kindle:
Bossypants by Tina Fey
My Horizontal Life by Chelsea Handler
Dead Reckoning: A Sookie Stackhouse Novel by Charlaine Harris

Loved all the paper back books...especially the Shaffer/Barrows book. Not what I expected and yet I didn't want it to end. It only took me two days to knock it off too. The Pettigrew book was a joy. It made me chuckle and I may have known where it was going, but not how it was going to get me there. As for the American Wife novel...it made me cry and that isn't always an easy thing to do, but it was early in the book and that was enough to grab me.

Now my Kindle reads are another story. Two of the books I read because My boss read them and we share our Kindle account, so I get them too. I was let down by the Tina Fey book. I did get a few good laughs but most of it was just so-so. Maybe I was expecting more than should have been, but that's life. The Handler book was another one that I didn't pick...but I have to admit, I was laughing out loud a LOT. It's got a little of that smutty sense of humor that I enjoy. OK, a lot of that kind of humor...to the point that I thought I might have known her. The Harris book, well, I've read all the others so I HAD to read the newest one as well. I also watch the True Blood series on TV...which is barely like the books. I can't say I loved the latest book, but I'll still read the next one. Yeah, pathetic.

My next three books are as follows:

Daddy Long Legs by Jean Webster
Favorite Wife: Escape from Polygamy by Susan Ray Schmidt
A Game of Thrones: A Song of Ice and Fire (book one) by George R.R. Martin

I'm enjoying the Webster book...but can't wait to get to A Game of Thrones. The current 3 are all on my Kindle, which means I will finish in no time at all. For some reason, I read much quicker on the Kindle. I'm not complaining...its just a bit of a mystery to me.

Anyone read anything outstanding lately? I'd love suggestions. I am going to be home soon and I need to stock up before I end up zooming through my book and then I am forced to pick through my Mom's book shelves. She's got a lot of books but not much of anything that I really go for. We just have different taste in stories, that's all. Although, I did like the last book of hers that I read. It was One Thousand White Women by Jim Fergus I really liked it. Give it a shot!

Sparky and Skippy ride again! The girls have been very serious lately. Very, very serious...about driving me out of my friggin' mind before the summer is over. They have been full of gumption lately. I guess its a good thing and any other time I'd be fine with it...but I really, REALLY need my vacation. In their defense, I always feel a little like this when I have a vacation sneaking up on me. It can't get here quickly enough. I personally think it's just me going through Rue and Phin withdrawals. Better yet, maybe its just a matter of me wanting to sit in one spot with a good book and a cold ice tea without someone one yelling, "NETTER!" at the top of their lungs...only to ask me what I'm doing. You'd think there was an emergency the way they yell my name. That seems to be their favorite question..."What are you doing?" I go in the bathroom and they ask, "What are you doing?"
...Uh, cooking dinner, what are you doing?"
"Noooo, you are not cooking dinner!"
"I'm not?
"No!!!"
"What am I doing then?"
"You are going to the bathroom but I don't know if you are pooping or if you have to pee."
"If you know what I am doing, then why did you ask me what I was doing?"
"I don't know."
"OK then! What are you doing?"
"Nothing."
"Why don't you go do something?"
"No, I'm just going to wait for you."

I open the door and at some point the other girlie has silently joined in waiting, sitting in front of the bathroom door. This must be an exciting thing to do. I don't get it. I'm sure if I was in there for a few hours, they'd get bored and go away. Then again...knowing those two...maybe not.


Oh, the weekends are not off limits either.

I'm curled up in my bed on a Saturday morning and they whisper through the door, "What are you doing?" while looking in the key hole.
They whisper because if they get caught bothering me, they'll get yelled at by their parents.
Most of the time I ignore them, if I can, but when you have goofballs parked outside your bedroom door, spying through the key hole, its a little hard to ignore. You hear them whispering...
"I can see her lamp."
"Let me look!" followed by rapid movement, sort of like you might hear if someone is chasing a mouse in the house with a broom.
"I can see her foot sticking out of the covers."
"She's reading a book!"
"LET ME SEE!"
"Oh yeah! I see her!"
"I know she's awake because she wouldn't be holding the book up if she were sleeping."
I lower my book and look at the key hole, half expecting their eye balls to be bulging through the hole. Then I hear a squeal of joy and laughter as the one that has their head plastered against my door, forgets herself and screams, "She's not asleep, she's looking at me!"
That is followed by a lot of pushing, shoving and a lot of yelling.
"Move! Let me see! It's my turn now!" It's about that time that you hear an adult yell at them to get away from my door and to leave me alone. Then you hear the girls running down the hall yelling, " Bye Netter!"

They are also obsessed with undergarments and body parts. All kids go through this but its dangerous around here. I can't bend over without one of them smacking me on the ass. I don't like it. I wouldn't be that thrilled if George Clooney was the one smacking me so its not like I have a double standard or anything.
The other day, they were sitting in the island in the kitchen. I'm leaning on the island with my fore arms resting on the top, just chatting with them. Then I notice that Skippy's eyes are huge and she's got some crazy person smile plastered across her face. At first I thought a stranger had offered her candy, but that couldn't be it...there were no strangers in our kitchen. Then I follow her line of sight and realize that the little pervert is looking down my shirt and is checking out what little bit of cleavage I have. I decide not to make a big deal out of it so I straighten up and move a little bit so she can't look down my shirt. She then leans over to her Sister and whispers that I have a black bra on. A fit of giggles follows. Ugh. Oh wait, it gets better. Heaven forbid I may have to go to the bathroom in public! If I do, I try to only go when they are going as well...then I have to be quick because they will rush out and try peeking in the crack in the door. I've had the "personal space" talk and the "private area" talk so many times that I probably talk about it in my sleep. It's getting old. Even when they are sick, I'm not safe. This last week, Sparky was ill. She'd been running fevers and had ear and throat pain...no strep, no ear infection but she did have a terrible sinus infection. It really hit her hard and she basically wanted to cuddle all day. So, we took Skippy to camp and Sparky and I took it easy. Well she wanted to sit on my lap and cuddle up against me while she watched a show. This didn't bother me, I had a book I could read. She kept scooting around and it was driving me nuts and it wasn't that comfy for me. Finally, I ask her what she's doing. She said she was trying to get comfy and she wanted to use my booby as a pillow. She looked up at me and smiled...the first smile of the day. I shook my head, rolled my eyes and she started to giggle. She wasn't very happy when I told her I'd get her a real pillow and not a body part.

Like I said...I need a vacation!

I'm going to get a piece of electrical tape to stick over that darn key hole. That should drive them nuts for a while.

Art from the heart...

I love art...everyone knows that. I like to be creative and I especially love it when kids create refrigerator masterpieces. I love it even more when people actually SNAIL MAIL them to me. UmmmHummm (insert throat clearing sound here)...Mrs Russell didn't send me the mail she was supposed to send me. She did scan it however and posted it to her daughters website. Luckily I discovered it and copied it, pasted it...and wallah! It now graces my blog. The blog I'm actually blogging on again. Crazy, huh. Anyway, I want to send a big THANK YOU to Meredith Russell for her lovely artwork, that her Mother never sent me. In Tami's defense, she is turning 40 soon...and some of us don't handle the aging process well. First the memory starts to slip then the next thing you know, they are wearing Depends Undergarments and strolling up the street in slippers and a rob while muttering about where they put their glass of Elk Creek Water. (Only people from Nebraska will get that E.C.W reference.) Speaking of which...I'm demanding that someone mix up a huge batch of that nectar of the GODS when I'm home on my vacation. HINT, HINT...and perhaps if they do that, I'll forgive their sucky mailing skills.

Maybe I'm back...

I keep telling myself its time to blog again. Some days I feel like it, others I don't. Then of course there is the time issue. I don't have the time I had during my last job. It's probably a good thing because I think half the reason I blogged was out of boredom. I'm sure some days, I'd love to be bored...but tis life.

What's new? Uh, the last few weeks have contained a lot of bad news, sad to the umth degree. Life sure is tricky sometimes...bad news always seems to sneak up on us. I love the long patches of quiet, where nobody gets in trouble or hurt...then you wake up one morning and there are funerals on the horizon. I've been praying a lot lately. Praying for my friends husband that hit a deer while riding his motorcycle...he's got a long recovery, but he will be fine. Then there is my Sister's best friend that lost one of her daughters...and 8 year old...in a senseless drowning. Breaks my heart. You never know...it only takes seconds for life to change. It doesn't always seem fair, but life isn't fair, it plays by its own rules and those rules are changing all the time, except we never get the update.

I have to call in everyday for the next two weeks because I have been given the honor of being selected for federal jury duty. Blah! I called today and I don't have to report tomorrow...but I get to keep calling back until they do call me. I know its my civic duty but it still sucks all the same. It better not conflict with my vacation or I'll be one pain in the ass juror. I can't plan anything because I have no idea when I'll be called. SUCKS!

I heard through the grapevine that Katie made me a Grandma this weekend...but she didn't call me to let me know. She adopted two kittens and I can't wait to visit my little Grandkitties....and spoil them rotten. If she'd given me some notice, I would have thrown her a Kitten Shower...how silly is that! I know but fun...oh so fun. We could supply her with catnip, litter, kitty toys, personalize water and food dishes. I was kidding but now that I think about it...hmmm, I may have to talk her into throwing a party.

I've been reading a lot lately. After trudging through Stephen Kings "Insomnia" which I really enjoyed....I read "American Wife" by Curtis Sittenfeld. It made me cry which is always a good thing but there were parts of it that I found annoying. On the whole it was a good book and the annoying parts were just personal little things that get to me, probably not anyone else. I would recommend it. I read that Tina Fey book,"Bosypants" which had a couple great laughs in it but they were few and far between for me. It was a quick read, so it has that going for it. I'm currently reading "Major Pettigrew's Last Stand" by Helen Simonson. I'm not even half way though it but I am really enjoying it. I hope its going where I want it to go...time will tell.

Ugh! I have recently realized that I have a bad habit of putting in a line of dots instead and running on with my thoughts without giving any thought to proper punctuation....like I just did, right now. I have to stop doing that! I just can't. Truth be told, I enjoy it....can't get enough of it really. I'm sure it drives most people ape-shit, but I don't care...I like it damn it! Rules be damned! I'm going to rock the boat people! You heard me and there isn't a friggin' thing you can do to stop me.

Oh, and everyone will be happy to know that I finally shaved my legs the way legs are meant to be shaved. By that I mean I actually paid attention to what I was doing and don't have stray patches of hair, here and there, that only seems to annoy me only when the sunlight hits my legs at the right angle. Yeah, most of the time I could care less. It's not like its so bad that I look like an elk or a moose. I don't get dark hair sprouting from my legs...its more like fluffy down and I'm sure it serves its purpose by keeping me warm at night. I do sleep alone most of the time and don't have the occasion to steal someone elses body heat at will.

Well, I've rattled on enough for one night...its late and as a good friend has informed me often...I should NOT blog late at night. Seems I sound like a nut job or a lunatic or something when I'm lacking sleep. Well, more so when I'm lacking sleep than I do when I'm not tired. Just keeping it real.

If you want me to blog more...you best be leaving me some comments...or its not going to happen. See...more dots. LOVE THEM!

Oh yeah, Happy New Year!

I've been thinking about blogging. Thinking about it doesn't get it done. I can't even give myself an "A" for effort. Blah! OK, so 2011 hasn't been so bad for me. It's been interesting to say the least. I know I mentioned this stuff on Facebook, but I've decided that it needs to be on the old blog and that Facebook is a huge waste on my time and energy...like most things that I enjoy doing. The only reason I really started spending more time on Facebook is because a lot of my favorite Blogger buddies switched over to FB and I missed them. Well, that and I was a bit pissed off about a couple of things so I didn't want to blog. Don't ask me what I was pissed about, because at this point it doesn't matter and I won't tell you. If I wanted you to know, I would have told you already.

Anyway...funny things that have happened to me so far this year:

1) Sparky's drop off days at her nursery school are Mon, Weds, and Fri. We drop off her Sister at her school and then we have about 20-25 minutes to waste before Sparky's class starts. So, on Drop off day, we go early and park in line so we can be first. Sparky likes being first. Certain days her friend Max goes to school with one of their neighbors because his parents have to be to work early. Normally Max sees us and wants to climb into the Jeep with us and wait. I usually let him because the neighbor that walks him to school has three kids of her own and she likes to ditch Max as soon as she can. I don't blame her, he can often be a handful. Anyway, Max joined us and was in the back seat with Sparky, chatting away. He was digging in his backpack to show something to Fiona. I was cleaning out my purse, minding my own business when out of nowhere, Max says, "Annette, this is a strap-on!" I really think I almost got whiplash from turning my head so fast....ouch...but, lucky for us, my mind was in the gutter. Max was referring to his stocking cap that attaches under his chin with Velcro.

2) The second thing that was interesting was when Sparky told me that I was a really good hooker. Uh, yeah, a REALLY GOOD HOOKER! She said it with gusto. She was referring to my ability to fasten the little hook on the skirt of her
American Girl doll, but none the less, its not a compliment that I thought I would ever hear directed at me.

This was fun...but its time to run to the school for pick up.

More sooner or later...

It's been months!

The great thing about a blog is that you don't have to blog if you don't feel like it. It doesn't go away, it just sits there and waits for you. Thank goodness! If my blog could think for its self, it would have felt pretty abandoned over the last year. It's not that I didn't love it anymore, I've just been busy doing other things. Indeed I do love blogging. My mind has turned to it more and more lately. We all know that my mind never stops, so if something keeps returning to my brain, over and over, its bound to jumpstart my ambition. So here I am. Let the blogging begin again.

OMG...tell me I didn't just hear that! and What's the Magic word?"

I'm hanging in my bedroom, relaxing reading a book, minding my own business when I hear Skippy yelling to her little sister:

"Sparky! Sparky, wipe me!" (Skippy is in the bathroom, apparently stuck on the toilet, but why she won't wipe herself is beyond me...that's a new one.)
No response from Sparky
"Sparky! Sparkyyyyy!
A quiet little annoyed voice says, after a drawn out sighhhh..."What do you want Skippy?"
Skippy yells, "Come wipe me, I said! Right now, you naughty girl!"
No response.
Sparky! Sparky!
No response but if I listen carefully I can barely make out the sound of Sparky having a conversation with her Build a Bear, who is currently in a bikini and sunglasses.
Skippy then yells, "Sparky, if you don't come wipe me right now, I won't be your friend.
Skippy then replies in the softest voice, " Skippy I don't want to wipe you. You do it. I'll still be your friend."
Which leads to an aggravated growling noise coming from the bathroom. I'm assuming she gave up and wiped herself because about 4 minutes later Skippy was outside my door trying to figure out how to get me to come out.
"Netter, come out!"
Me: "Is the house on fire?"
Skippy: No.
ME: "Sorry I can't come out.
Skippy in a whine: "Why not?"
Me: I'm busy. Where is Mommy?
Skippy: "Downstairs. Come out!"
Me: I can't I'm not dressed.
Skippy: Yes, you are.
ME: How do you know?
Skippy: I can see you through this hole under the doorknob."
ME: "Hey, get your eyeballs away from my key hole! Don't be a Peeping Sparky for goodness sake!
Skippy: Why?
ME: It's creepy.
Giggling outside the door, joined by Sparkys laughter, who then asks, "What's funny Skippy."
Skippy explains and there is more laughing followed by "Let me see!'
Sparky then says in a whisper, "I see her. I think she is reading her book." Then a louder, "Netter! Hey Netter! Can you open the door please?"
Me: No, I can not open the door.
Sparky: "Why not, Netter? Do you have a boo-boo?
I try to ignore them so they will get bored and go away.
Skippy: "No Sparky, she doesn't have a boo-boo."
Sparky: "How do you know?"
Skippy: "I just know, she doesn't."
Sparky: "But maybe she does. NETTER, Hey NETTER, does your new boo-boo hurt?"
Skippy: "I said she doesn't have a boo-boo, you naughty girl! You never listen."
ME: "Skippy, stop calling your sister a naughty girl all the time."
Sparky: "Yeah!"
Skippy: "Naughty girl!"
ME and Skippy: "HEY!"
Skippy erupts in evil laughter.
Skippy: "Let us in."
ME: "Only if you say the magic word first.
Skippy: "Please?"
ME: "wrong word."
Skippy: May?
Me: nope
Sparky: "Abracadabra?"
ME: wrong magic word. (Little do they know, whatever word they come up with will not be the magic word.)
At this point, their Mom gets off the phone and finds them leaning against my door. She chases them away and gives them the "Leave Annette alone," speech..."its her day to do whatever she wants to do in peace."

Right now, I can hear them in their bedroom brainstorming magic words.

I think I'm falling into a cupcake coma...

Oh hell, who am I kidding...I'm just making excuses so I don't have fix all the useless crap on my site that needs to be fixed. I need to fix my 40th birthday ticker on my side bar, because its counting up to my 40th b-day again, when it sould be counting down to my 41st. I need to add all the books I've read so far this year and the movies I've watched but pfffftttt.....I don't wanna. I'm just being a lazy post birthday girl. At least I'm taking the time to post something. That's a plus, huh. Don't get used to it.

I've been thinking about how I'm going to celebrate my 40th with the gals from High School in August. We are going to get a room at a hotel and regress a bit...no husbands, no kids, just us girls. I was trying to think of retarded things that we could do for fun. I figure we could bar hop and pretend we are a traveling bachelorette party...but that was quickly nixed because I realized they would make me be the bride. Although, technically The Foe could be the bride because she's not married anymore. Hmmm...I'm going to talk with Tami about this.

Oh, while I'm thinking of it, I can't figure out why people make such a big deal out of turning 40. Sure I'm a day closer to my grave, sure the gray hair will start popping out, sure I'll soon have more age spots than freckles...but so what. Fact of the matter is, I feel young, even when my joints are cracking. I'm always going to be that old lady that gets out the water balloons and nails the neighbor kids or talks them into pranking one of the other neighbors. I can't help myself...its genetic.

OK, I have to go avoid doing something useful and productive. Later!

Im lucky to be alive!

The 4 year old put me in a headlock last night when I was putting her to bed. She kept chanting, "BIG HUG, BIG HUG." then would kiss the side of my head 5 or 6 times before chanting "BIG HUG, BIG HUG!" again. It was a vicious cycle.This went on for a while. When I got out of her death grip, she giggled and I asked, "What was that about?!" She giggled more and said, It's your Birthday in the morning Netter! You need to sleep next to me so I can wake up and tell you Happy Birthday!"
You have to love Sparky...even when she cutting off your blood supply, she's doing it out of love.

This morning she came downstairs, put her hands on her hips and in an annoyed tone said, "Netter, why are you up? I have to make a cake for you." Yeah, like she could use the stove on her own, or that she had enough time before school started in the first place. I reminded her of that and she smiled and said, "Oh yeah!"...like the thought had completely slipped her mind.

She's a goofball!

She spent the whole walk to school trying to sucker me into holding her backpack for her. I told her its my birthday and I don't have to do anything I don't want to do on my birthday. She said, if you carry it today, I'll carry it on Monday, which we all know is a fib the size of China. She'll just say she doesn't remember on Monday. We have been down that road before. Sparky knew she was screwed when Spanky agreed with me that I shouldn't have to carry her backpack on my birthday.

As we neared the school, Skippy saw that her class was already lining up so she started to speed walk to the line. I yelled to her and said "Have a great day, I'll see you later!" She turned and nodded her head. Then Sparky shouted at the top of her lungs..."HEY (insert name) don't forget to tell your teachers and the kids in your class that today is Netter's birthday and that she's 40!" Sparky turns around again,with a HUGE smile and shakes her head like one of those bobble head dolls. Adults as far as 1/2 a block away are amused by this.

I then walk Sparky the rest of the way to her nursery school. In the hall, she tells Max and his Dad that its my Birthday...stressing my age. Once the door to her room opens, we stroll in and her two teachers, Miss Donna and Miss Allison immediately tell me Happy Birthday before Sparky can even open her mouth. Her teachers inform me that Sparky has been talking about my birthday all week. She'd been very excited about it.

It's been kind of fun having a build in announcement system...but if I wanted her to tell everyone my business, she'd clam right up.

The day is almost here...

I've only got another 38 minutes or so until I hit the big 4-OH. I
t snuck up on me, super fast too. I'll let you know how my day fairs.

I didn't expect to hear that in my lifetime!

OK, so I have not talked about my girls much. I should be, because when they are not driving me insane, they are funny, funny, funny. I'll post some pictures later but for now, I'll just give you the stats. Sparky-the live wire...that's what I'm calling her in my blog...turned 4 in December. Her sister, let's call her Skippy-because she never stops moving, will be 6 in June.

OK, on Sat their parents had an engagement party to go to. They had to leave at 4 and they were kind of strapped for a sitter because something came up and everyone else was busy. I wasn't doing much so I agreed to help them out. The girls and I decided to have a "date night," meaning we were going to go out to eat and do something fun. Let's face it, it was technically my day off and we eat at home every weekday, so we needed to stir it up a little.

It was agreed that we would eat at Friendly's because the girls think they have good chicken fingers and they also like to have ice cream after dinner. The price is right as well. We had also decided to go to the Baldwin Harbor Park to play if everyone behaved while we were eating. Now, I asked the girls to go to the bathroom before we left the house...nobody had to go. Skippy said she just went a few minutes prior. Sparky said she really didn't have to but I sent her in the bathroom to pretend she was trying to go. We get to the restaurant and the girls were behaving really well, except there was a little argument about who was going to sit next to me. They both like to sit next to me, not across from me. I'm not taking it personally and assuming they just can't stand looking at me while they eat. Nope, I think its just because they like to lean on me periodically and it's easier to get away with things if I don't have direct eye contact. For example, its much easier for Sparky to pick her nose and sneak a quick nibble when I have to catch her doing it with my peripheral vision. Believe me, that kid must be lacking some vital mineral in her system because she's ALWAYS digging for gold in those nostrils. But hey, at least she's not flicking those bad boys in my direction. I just don't want to see her eating them.
Anyway, we managed to get though our main meal and order dessert before BOTH girls announce they need to go to the bathroom. Off they go..and when we get back, our ice cream is waiting for us. They stuffed their gullets with frozen delight and we are off to the park. I asked them if they needed to hit the bathroom again. No, Not at all, they chirp. I asked again of they were sure and they started to get irritated with me.

Now, it takes a little bit to get to the park. It's not like its down the street from us. It's in the next town over and if we were leaving from home, it would take about 15 minutes to get there if we didn't get stuck at a ton of lights. Luckily, we were closer than that, so it only took a 5 minutes or so to get down there. We pull up to the park and they bounce out of the jeep, skipping to the playground, happy as larks. Skippy is on the play equipment before you can blink an eye. Sparky is rubbing her tummy, leaning against me. I ask her if she's OK. Her tummy hurts. I ask her where, she rubs her belly. I reach over and rub it too. She looks like she's about ready to pop...she'd stuffed herself with 5 huge chicken fingers, all of her french fries and enough ketchup to gag a goat. Plus she drank all of her milk, half of my water and she ate her whole "fruit salad." Sparky calls her chocolate ice cream with
M&M's on top "fruit salad". Don't ask me why, but I'm pretty sure its because her Mommy would be more excited to hear she ate a "fruit salad" for dessert, rather than a bunch of ice cream and candy. That Sparky is a sneaky one! Anyway, Sparky was very happy with me rubbing her tummy while she moaned. I ask her if she needs to go to the bathroom. Nope she says, she's empty. After a little bit, she's feeling better and wants to go play with Skippy. Sparky runs over to the playground equipment, Climbs the ladder and heads toward one of the slides. She goes down the slide, then starts yelling something to me, at the top of her lungs...and believe me Sparky is a LOUD kid. I wasn't sure I heard her right the first time. But when I saw her running on her tip toes while somehow managing to walk like a bow legged cowboy, I had a pretty good idea what she said, but the truth was funnier, not at the time, but later it was. Sparky was yelling, "Netter, Netter, the slide made me poop my pants!" Have you ever heard a kid yell something like that? A SLIDE made her poop. Oh and it gets better. The park bathrooms were closed. Yeah..but wait, it gets even better. While Sparky was strolling over to my side of the ranch, her big Sister, came running around the opposite side of the playground equipment shouting, "I think I pooped too!" As I turned to look at her, thinking she was joking, she is in the process of yanking her pants down in broad daylight while I quickly told her to pull them back up, that we were in public and we don't pull our pants down on the playground. Holy!

So, since the bathrooms were closed and we didn't have a change of clothes in the jeep, I informed the girls that it was time to head home after a whole 4 or 5 minutes at the park, tops! You'd have thought I was killing them. The drama! Now, Skippy had just a little racing stripe in her undies, not even enough to call it a Hershey squirt. Sparky on the other hand...from the way she was walking, it was obvious that she was packing an entire bag of Hershey squirts, perhaps enough to fill an Easter Basket or a Christmas stocking. We had no choice but to drive the 15 minutes back home. The girls wanted to go home, clean up and then drive back to the park. I informed them that there was no way that was going to happen because it was getting late and we were only staying at the park for 30 minutes in the first place. I said we'd go back and play one day after school. That wasn't going over very well though. I managed to get them in the Jeep and I tossed a jacket down for Sparky to sit on, while she was strapped into her booster seat. She kept asking why the slide did that to her. I told her it wasn't the slides fault that she pooped her pants, that she just had a little upset tummy and that was the reason. She wasn't buying it though. When I couldn't stand the smell in the Jeep a second longer I started to crack the windows, which set off another drama fest. Sparky stunk and she knew it, so she didn't want the windows down. I asked her why, because a little fresh air in the Jeep would get rid of the odor. She said she didn't want people in the cars next to us to smell her poop. It was OK for poor Netter and Skippy to smell it, but nobody else. I get it, she was embarrassed And she knew Skippy and I didn't judge her for it. After all, its not something she's done since she was a little, little girl. Boy, she was really mad at that slide for "making" her poop her pants, oh was she mad.

When we got home we took care of the immediate problem and I announced that they were going to take quick baths as well, but first, I wanted Sparky and Skippy to both try to go to the bathroom again. Sparky fought me on it. I told her she had to at least sit there while the tub was filling up with water. If she still hadn't gone when the tub was full, she could get up. She sat there and sat there and just as I was getting ready to turn off the water, poor Sparky erupted. It was juicy sounding and instantly foul smelling, so of course, Skippy then had to see what had just happened underneath Sparky. She was trying to push Sparky forward so she could shine a little light on the subject and get a better look in the toilet. Sparky was annoyed and just wants me to help her wipe and Skippy is yelling, Ewww, Ewww, its all liquidity. Why is it so liquidity." I shoo Skippy away and chase her into the tub. Sparky then wants to know why her first poop wasn't liquidity but her second poop was. It's at moments like these that I think, "Gosh, maybe I'm not paid enough!" I explain to her that she must have a bit of a tummy bug or that she just ate something that didn't agree with her. She could care less, because she was feeling pretty good by the time she climbed into the tub.
Fast forward to later in the week. I took the girls back to the park. They jumped out of the Jeep, bouncing to the playground, happy as larks. The first thing Sparky did was go down the same slide that ruined all her fun the last time. She slide down and when she go to the end, she yelled at the top her of lungs, for all the park to hear..."Yippee Netter, the slide didn't make me poop my pants this time!" To which I replied, "What! Are you kidding me?" Skippy, being the super serious girl that she is, runs over to Sparky, grabs her pants, stretches out the waste band and announces that Sparky wasn't joking, that there really wasn't any poop in her sister's pants. So far we have all lived happily ever after.

I didn't expect to hear that in my lifetime!

Sweet Dreams

Every once in a while I have a dream that makes me sorry I ever woke from it. Usually its a very vivid dream, often messing with my senses. I had one of those dreams last night. I don't know what part of my brain was affected but it hit a sweet spot and mingled with my sense of reality. How? Well, for starters, I could feel the cool grass on my bare feet and I could smell freshly cut grass. I just knew I was going to be covered in chigger bites in the morning. In the dream I was a kid again, maybe 5 years old, full of more energy than I ever remember having. My little Sister was running around in the grass with me, giggling. I'd almost forgotten what her little voice sounded like when we were little. We were at My Grandma Martha and Grandpa Virgil's house in Pawnee City. They were sitting in lawn chairs like they often did in the evenings. My Mom and Dad were there as well as several of my Grandparents old card party buddies. The old timers are all gone now...but they were as I remember them from my childhood. Grandpa was plump...sitting in his bibby overalls telling a dirty joke. Everyone was laughing. People would drive by and wave, some would stop and visit. It was just so vivid. I could see ants crawling on the peony bushes, I could feel the warm breeze, and I felt content...safe and happy. I don't know what made me wake from that dream, but my euphoria didn't last as long as I would have liked it to. It wasn't real, not really... a dream a little teaser of what I'll never experience again. I just snuggled deeper into my bedding and tried to go back to sleep as soon as possible, in the hopes that my dream would continue where it left off. It didn't, at least not that I remember.
So tonight, I'm going to bed with the highest hopes that I'll drift into that strange blend of dream and memories again. What I wouldn't pay to be able to feel myself spinning in circles in that yard, getting so dizzy that I fall to the ground or to crawl up on Grandpa's lap again and have Grandma bring me ice cold kool aid in one of those bright jewel tone aluminum glasses she used to have...just one more time. That would be a lovely 40th birthday gift indeed.

St. Patrick's Day...premoting two things:

Yes indeed, today is the one day of the year that it's OK to drink beer colored green. I hope you have your green on today. RVC is a very Irish town so you can see green everywhere today. I myself went on the down low, by not having visible green on. I do have green underwear on so the first person that tries to pinch me is going to get a pinch right back. Sneaky, huh. I think I'm going to make green cupcakes for the girls, who were decked out from head to toe in green this morning...with gold shoes.

Rue and Phin

I have been harassed endlessly because I have not posted pics of Rue and Phin lately. It helps if people send pics to me, instead of me flying home to take them for myself. Yeah annoying! Anyway, here they are..Rue at age 3 and Phin at 6 months, dirty faces and all. They are kids after all!

If that doesn't make you feel like a dork, I don't know what will!

Yes, I actually made it to the driveway before I realized I had on two different colored shoes. Let me explain. I have two pairs of shoes, both the same make, but in different colors...tan and black. I'd been wearing the tan shoes for weeks, so they were in the basket on the sun porch. I'd been heading out when I realized I had a black hoodie/kangaroo pouch sweatshirt on, so I decided to dig out my black shoes. I went up stairs with the tan shoes in tow and as I was taking the black shoes out of the closet, the phone rang. I put my shoes on while I was talking to one of the mothers in Anna's class about setting up a play date. I hung up the phone, walked downstairs, and headed out the door. Now, I tend to look everywhere but at the ground, so what made me look is a mystery to me...but thank goodness I did. Because that kind of sticks out like a sore thumb, don't you think. I changed right out of the tan shoe, so I actually matched when I picked Fiona up from Nursery School.

Chunk-a-lunka

For those of you who have been waiting, I'm pleased to reintroduce the once speckled baby, Phineaus! I can tell from his silly grin that Phinny is going to be a card. He has the cutest little gopher cheeks, doesn't he. He kind of reminds me of that gopher from the movie Caddyshack. I can just picture him doing the dance to that song, "I'm all right, nobody worry bout me..." You know the song and I'm sure you are picturing that gopher right now. Tisha might kill me for mentioning it, but its true, that's what he reminds me of. This picture was taken several months ago and he's grown quite a bit since then. He's actually more muscle than chunk and he weighs 18 pounds already. You'll have to wait until Christmas for new pics though, so please, no pestering me for more.

Guess what I'm doing right now!

I'm eating oatmeal and returning emails. Yeah, so if you were one of those people that sent me an email, perhaps I'll get around to responding. (Just don't get your hopes up, because I'm already feeling jittery and I'm thinking about bolting from the house, in search of something fun to do.

Oh and this DOES count as a blog post, so now everyone can stop complaining. TA DA!

I had a nice day yesterday. I was at Rain and Chris' new place, helping them move boxes around. I carried many boxes up many stairs and I think I worked off all of those Halloween candy bars that I scarfed down last week. It was so nice to be able to help them out a little. Everyone knows how much of a pain in the butt moving is, especially if you don't have a little help. Rain felt kind of bad because she couldn't lift much because she's preggers. Yes, she's having a baby in early March! I'm very excited about that and dropped hints that I'm open for weekend babysitting.

Oh and by the way, Raine and Chris' cats are HUGE...the big old black fatty crawled under the new sofa and couldn't get out. Raine discovered that you have to lay him on his side and then slide him out. I feel his pain...that is why I never crawl under beds anymore, for fear that I'll get caught and have to scream for help.


See you around!

My blog broke 35,000 while I was away?! What the!

You turn your back on your blog for a few months and BAM, people start checking in to see if you've finally joined the living again. Yes, I'm still alive. Yes, I've been busy...too busy to blog or update on facebook or do any cool crafting projects. I've just been busy, that's all. Well, that's not entirely true. I have been fighting off all the germs floating around the region, and deciding to make my body home for a little while. I've had some major colds but except for a stuffy nose, I'm feeling pretty good these days. Perhaps if I can stay away at night, long enough to check my email and jot a few lines down on the old Blogger, I'll actually manage to blog once or twice a month. What? You really want me to post every day? I'm trying not to laugh, really I am...I just can't help myself. I'm not going to promise anything, but I will make an effort to show dyslexic ass every so often. If for no other reason than to stop all the "Where the hell are you?" emails and the "Are you dead or something?" emails. To answer those questions for you...I'm here, where else would I be and no, I'm not dead, not even a little bit. It's not so easy to get rid of me, you should all know that by now. It's only typical that when you want me to be around, I'm not and when you want me to shut my pie whole, I won't. Maybe typical is a poor word for that sentence...how about logical. Yeah, that works for me.

I'm out of blogging practice. Luckily for me, I'm not one of those bloggers that sits and ponders what I should write about. I don't plan or go over details and check for mistakes...I just type and what you see is what you get. I'm a grammatical nightmare half the time, its true, but that's the story of my life. Like I always say, If it bothers you, stop reading my tirades and blabbering lunacy. For crying out loud, don't you have something else to criticise? It's not like I get paid to do this, you know. I blog as an outlet, a way to relax and its a form of tortured entertainment on my part.


Luckily, I have several ideas for upcoming posts. Shocker! Maybe I'll post some pictures soon as well. I've uncovered my camera cord. It tried to hide, but I've always been good at hide and seek. Just ask the girls...we played for 1 1/2 hours the other night. Believe me, there are only so many place an adult can squeeze their ass into to hide. The girls declared me an expert at hiding. Of course I don't giggle when someone is close to me, so that helps. Oh yeah, why can a 5 year old that won't go upstairs by herself in broad daylight because she is scared, suddenly have no problem hiding in the basement with all the lights off when its dark outside? That's the current million dollar question, that really is only worth a nickle, so don't think you are getting a check for a million if you answer that correctly. If you answer it to my liking, I might send you a bright shiny nickle that I found on the sidewalk. Don't get to excited, it was probably left there by some gross teenager that thought it would be funny to stick it in his underwear before dropping it on the ground for someone to pick up. Ewww, yeah, that's why I always hesitate before picking up change on the ground. I don't care how lucky that penny looks. Gag.

OK, so much for intelligent blogging. Thank goodness I don't have to worry about being quoted and ending up with a bazillion links to my site. I don't think my site meter could handle the pressure. I'm off to bed. Hopefully a night of sleepless walking will recharge my battery and get those creative juices flowing again. Well, that and my good friend Raine always tells me not to blog late at night because I sound insane...well, more insane than usual.

Until the next time, tootle loo!

Has anyone seen my cord?

I've misplaced my cord for my camera. The laptop I'm using doesn't have a slot for my SD card and I can't transfer my pics until I find my cord. I have a feeling its still at the other house. I need to run over there and dig around a little. Until then, I can't show you where I've moved to or what I've been up to. Yeah, well I don't want to put you to sleep or anything. It's just that I'm a visual person. A blog post just doesn't seem complete without a picture attached. I don't need pictures when I read other peoples blogs though, so I don't know what my hang up is. I WILL find that cord. Then I'll share a lot with you....until then, you'll just have to keep your pantyhose on.


Oh get this, I'm heading back to Nebraska in a couple of weeks. I'm going to a wedding and NO, its not mine. I just know that they will all be so glad to see me again....like a month and a half this summer wasn't enough. Actually, I really didn't see that many people. It's a short list really. I basically hung out with my Sister, Mom, the Rue and Phin. I saw Shannon and Aaryn a few times too. Oh get this, Rue told me I was naughty and put me in timeout...though I'm not really sure what I did. It wasn't the first time I've been in time out and had no clue what I did that was so bad. Old habits die hard....lol. I spent a lot of time trying to burp Phin, who fought it. He was a little turd, to say the least. Phin was over 14 lbs on his 2 month check-up. I don't know what my Sister is feeding him! The Rue calls Phin her baby brudder. It's so cute. She can actually say Phineaus, which is more than my Father can do. We'll that's not entirely true, he can say his name when he remembers what he was named. Dad prefers to call little Phin, P.W. I have a funny feeling it might stick. It's just a little to close to G.W., as in G.W.Bush....ewww.

I'm enjoying my new job. The girls are a lot of fun. My only issue is that the kids are early risers. I'll be in the bathroom at 6:30 and I will hear them. What the hell! I guess they just have a natural clock in their little heads. I don't mind them being up as long as they aren't grumpy and most of the time they are perky and ready to get the day started. We spend a lot of time at the park, especially now that they weather has cooled off a little. Hopefully it will stay that way, but I'm bracing myself for an Indian Summer.

Well, its been a long day. I'll be heading off to bed now. I'll find that cord so I can show you some of the stuff that I've been up to. Oh and by the way, Sam is at Harvard now and from what I hear, he's having a blast.

Hello again!

After a long and exhausting summer I've returned to blogging. Have you missed me? I've got a lot to share but I've got to get some sleep. The new kids I'm taking care of are early risers. I kid you not. I was in the shower before 6:30 this morning and when I stepped out to towel off, I heard their chitter chatter through the wall. Oh yeah, its a good thing that I'm a jolly person in the morning...atleast after I've had a quick shower. Our days are filled with three hour jaunts to the park and random arts and crafts. I'm lucky that I have any hair left on my head after the girls get done brushing my hair into a giant fuzzball. The Humidity doesn't help either. I'll fill you in on all the details about the new job and the new house, ect...but let me tell you, I knew they were nice people when I first chatted with them and I'm 150% sure now that I've been with them for a week and a half. Things are good.

More to come, details of my summer and updates on the Rue and Phin...

You are excited now, I know it!

Deep breaths

I'm letting it go. I took several deep breaths and decided its not worth making an issue out of it. The next time it happens though, I'm blowing that boat out of the water. If you are lost and have no idea what I'm talking about, consider that a good thing.

Well, crapola!

I can't get my Sister to let me name her new baby. You'd think she'd do me a huge favor by letting me pick the name. I mean, seriously, she already named Rue. It's not like I'm going to have a kid of my own...so wouldn't it be nice if she just gave up and let me do it for her! I'd even let her have veto power to an extent. I mean its not like I'm going to pick a nerdy name...well, I do like the boys name Fletcher, so maybe I would. I won't pick one of the names in the top 20 for 30 years or so. I'm a little more creative than that.
Honestly this is a great deal that I'm offering her. When the baby grows up and complains about its name, which I'm sure it will...most kids hate their name, she can pass the buck to me. She can say, "Well, don't complain to me about it, I didn't name you. You need to take it up with your Crazy Aunt Nett, because she named you." Oh who am I kidding, she'll probably do that even if I didn't name the kid. Sigh....how depressing. Maybe I can sucker a friend into giving me naming rights. I could spread the idea around... Auntie Nett will promise to spoil your child rotten if you allow her to name it. Most of my friends have had their kids already and don't want anymore...but there is always Raine. Oh Raine....a hem....think it over. You know how I spoil my Rue! Don't even suggest I get a pet and name it! It's not the same and you know it!

Well, I better go work on my list of suggestions for my Sister. She'll turn them all down, but that's OK...its just fun getting her all worked up about it.

Don't get excited...I'm not back yet.

I guess you have all figured out that I have not been in the blogging mood. Yeah, well, I'm still not, so doing get excited or anything. I didn't even remind everyone of my birthday...I know, shocker.

Eventually I'll get back with the program. It maynot be this week or next week but sooner or later I'll feel inspired and won't feel like I have other things that I need to do instead.

I just need some inspiration.