I didn't expect to hear that in my lifetime!

OK, so I have not talked about my girls much. I should be, because when they are not driving me insane, they are funny, funny, funny. I'll post some pictures later but for now, I'll just give you the stats. Sparky-the live wire...that's what I'm calling her in my blog...turned 4 in December. Her sister, let's call her Skippy-because she never stops moving, will be 6 in June.

OK, on Sat their parents had an engagement party to go to. They had to leave at 4 and they were kind of strapped for a sitter because something came up and everyone else was busy. I wasn't doing much so I agreed to help them out. The girls and I decided to have a "date night," meaning we were going to go out to eat and do something fun. Let's face it, it was technically my day off and we eat at home every weekday, so we needed to stir it up a little.

It was agreed that we would eat at Friendly's because the girls think they have good chicken fingers and they also like to have ice cream after dinner. The price is right as well. We had also decided to go to the Baldwin Harbor Park to play if everyone behaved while we were eating. Now, I asked the girls to go to the bathroom before we left the house...nobody had to go. Skippy said she just went a few minutes prior. Sparky said she really didn't have to but I sent her in the bathroom to pretend she was trying to go. We get to the restaurant and the girls were behaving really well, except there was a little argument about who was going to sit next to me. They both like to sit next to me, not across from me. I'm not taking it personally and assuming they just can't stand looking at me while they eat. Nope, I think its just because they like to lean on me periodically and it's easier to get away with things if I don't have direct eye contact. For example, its much easier for Sparky to pick her nose and sneak a quick nibble when I have to catch her doing it with my peripheral vision. Believe me, that kid must be lacking some vital mineral in her system because she's ALWAYS digging for gold in those nostrils. But hey, at least she's not flicking those bad boys in my direction. I just don't want to see her eating them.
Anyway, we managed to get though our main meal and order dessert before BOTH girls announce they need to go to the bathroom. Off they go..and when we get back, our ice cream is waiting for us. They stuffed their gullets with frozen delight and we are off to the park. I asked them if they needed to hit the bathroom again. No, Not at all, they chirp. I asked again of they were sure and they started to get irritated with me.

Now, it takes a little bit to get to the park. It's not like its down the street from us. It's in the next town over and if we were leaving from home, it would take about 15 minutes to get there if we didn't get stuck at a ton of lights. Luckily, we were closer than that, so it only took a 5 minutes or so to get down there. We pull up to the park and they bounce out of the jeep, skipping to the playground, happy as larks. Skippy is on the play equipment before you can blink an eye. Sparky is rubbing her tummy, leaning against me. I ask her if she's OK. Her tummy hurts. I ask her where, she rubs her belly. I reach over and rub it too. She looks like she's about ready to pop...she'd stuffed herself with 5 huge chicken fingers, all of her french fries and enough ketchup to gag a goat. Plus she drank all of her milk, half of my water and she ate her whole "fruit salad." Sparky calls her chocolate ice cream with
M&M's on top "fruit salad". Don't ask me why, but I'm pretty sure its because her Mommy would be more excited to hear she ate a "fruit salad" for dessert, rather than a bunch of ice cream and candy. That Sparky is a sneaky one! Anyway, Sparky was very happy with me rubbing her tummy while she moaned. I ask her if she needs to go to the bathroom. Nope she says, she's empty. After a little bit, she's feeling better and wants to go play with Skippy. Sparky runs over to the playground equipment, Climbs the ladder and heads toward one of the slides. She goes down the slide, then starts yelling something to me, at the top of her lungs...and believe me Sparky is a LOUD kid. I wasn't sure I heard her right the first time. But when I saw her running on her tip toes while somehow managing to walk like a bow legged cowboy, I had a pretty good idea what she said, but the truth was funnier, not at the time, but later it was. Sparky was yelling, "Netter, Netter, the slide made me poop my pants!" Have you ever heard a kid yell something like that? A SLIDE made her poop. Oh and it gets better. The park bathrooms were closed. Yeah..but wait, it gets even better. While Sparky was strolling over to my side of the ranch, her big Sister, came running around the opposite side of the playground equipment shouting, "I think I pooped too!" As I turned to look at her, thinking she was joking, she is in the process of yanking her pants down in broad daylight while I quickly told her to pull them back up, that we were in public and we don't pull our pants down on the playground. Holy!

So, since the bathrooms were closed and we didn't have a change of clothes in the jeep, I informed the girls that it was time to head home after a whole 4 or 5 minutes at the park, tops! You'd have thought I was killing them. The drama! Now, Skippy had just a little racing stripe in her undies, not even enough to call it a Hershey squirt. Sparky on the other hand...from the way she was walking, it was obvious that she was packing an entire bag of Hershey squirts, perhaps enough to fill an Easter Basket or a Christmas stocking. We had no choice but to drive the 15 minutes back home. The girls wanted to go home, clean up and then drive back to the park. I informed them that there was no way that was going to happen because it was getting late and we were only staying at the park for 30 minutes in the first place. I said we'd go back and play one day after school. That wasn't going over very well though. I managed to get them in the Jeep and I tossed a jacket down for Sparky to sit on, while she was strapped into her booster seat. She kept asking why the slide did that to her. I told her it wasn't the slides fault that she pooped her pants, that she just had a little upset tummy and that was the reason. She wasn't buying it though. When I couldn't stand the smell in the Jeep a second longer I started to crack the windows, which set off another drama fest. Sparky stunk and she knew it, so she didn't want the windows down. I asked her why, because a little fresh air in the Jeep would get rid of the odor. She said she didn't want people in the cars next to us to smell her poop. It was OK for poor Netter and Skippy to smell it, but nobody else. I get it, she was embarrassed And she knew Skippy and I didn't judge her for it. After all, its not something she's done since she was a little, little girl. Boy, she was really mad at that slide for "making" her poop her pants, oh was she mad.

When we got home we took care of the immediate problem and I announced that they were going to take quick baths as well, but first, I wanted Sparky and Skippy to both try to go to the bathroom again. Sparky fought me on it. I told her she had to at least sit there while the tub was filling up with water. If she still hadn't gone when the tub was full, she could get up. She sat there and sat there and just as I was getting ready to turn off the water, poor Sparky erupted. It was juicy sounding and instantly foul smelling, so of course, Skippy then had to see what had just happened underneath Sparky. She was trying to push Sparky forward so she could shine a little light on the subject and get a better look in the toilet. Sparky was annoyed and just wants me to help her wipe and Skippy is yelling, Ewww, Ewww, its all liquidity. Why is it so liquidity." I shoo Skippy away and chase her into the tub. Sparky then wants to know why her first poop wasn't liquidity but her second poop was. It's at moments like these that I think, "Gosh, maybe I'm not paid enough!" I explain to her that she must have a bit of a tummy bug or that she just ate something that didn't agree with her. She could care less, because she was feeling pretty good by the time she climbed into the tub.
Fast forward to later in the week. I took the girls back to the park. They jumped out of the Jeep, bouncing to the playground, happy as larks. The first thing Sparky did was go down the same slide that ruined all her fun the last time. She slide down and when she go to the end, she yelled at the top her of lungs, for all the park to hear..."Yippee Netter, the slide didn't make me poop my pants this time!" To which I replied, "What! Are you kidding me?" Skippy, being the super serious girl that she is, runs over to Sparky, grabs her pants, stretches out the waste band and announces that Sparky wasn't joking, that there really wasn't any poop in her sister's pants. So far we have all lived happily ever after.