I'm pimpin' out my Aunt Vickie...

I'm not sure people know what they are getting themselves into. Everyone wants to join the club and call my Aunt Vickie, "Aunt Vickie." I guess I can share her. Heck I've already got a ton of other cousins and she has a bunch of nieces and nephews on Uncle Johns side (but they are not as much fun as I am)...so it shouldn't be hard to let other people jump on the Aunt Vic band wagon.

I have to warn you, once you start calling her Aunt Vickie, there is no turning back. Yep, you are stuck with her. So, don't come whining to me when Aunt Vickie drinks all your wine or when she starts playing pranks on you and teasing you. She will, oh she will. That's part of the deal...you have to just put up with it. Piss her off and she will smack you with a broom...ask her brothers. If you leave her alone with Uncle John to long, unsupervised, they are bound to be sneaky....which will lead to a snorting laughter attack. Yes, she snorts when she laughs. She has a dirty mind but will try to blame it on you. Don't you dare let her do that. Also, she will try to convince you that her halo is bright and shiny....nooo, that isn't true, she likes to swipe ours when we are not looking and play it off as hers. Don't fall for that either.

Whatever you do, don't let her mop your kitchen floors. She gets it confused with washing a car and dumps a whole bucket of water on the floor. I hope you have a wet vac handy or a crap load of towels. Oh, she's not so bad...but don't depend on her to save you from a snake because she would sooner shove you to the ground in an attempt to save herself and seek safety. The sound she admits when she is doing it is enough to cause hearing loss. If you pretend like you are going to pick the snake up and chase her with it, she will swear she will hate you forever but I don't think she really has it in her. Oh yes, and I'll warn you right now that you will never be able to take a family picture without her tongue sticking out in it. You know, I swear she must have gotten a hold of my Katie when she was younger and told her that tongues sticking out in pictures drove me nuts...Katie does it too and they are not related.

All in all, she's a pretty great Aunt. Oh and even if she says not to tease her about her lederhosen, don't listen to her. Rule number one of Aunt sharing is you have to tease her as much as the rest of us do. No sucking up! Things to remember: You must ask her to explain how she got her head caught in a steering wheel and not accept the answer when she swears booze was not involved. Don't believe her when she tells you her age. Ask me, I know the real deal. If you left it up to her, she'd have you believe that she was 8 when she had her son. Shes a fun lady to hang around. That is why all the kids in the neighborhood end up at her house and she doesn't have kids living at home anymore. Don't let her near your car at night, or day as far as that goes...she's a deer magnet and sure enough something is going to get dented or totaled.

She's a handful but she is worth it. I don't think you could ask for a better Aunt. Unless of course your name us Rue, because that little girl has the best Auntie in the whole wide world (ME)....closely followed up by the best Great Aunt in the World...aka, Great Aunt Vickie. (My other Aunts are wonderful too...with the exception of the one who shall not be named...but everyone knows who that is. Shhhh, don't tell her I said that.) Oh, who wants to make Aunt Vickie a pair of crocheted lederhosen for her next birthday? She secretly wants a pair. Unlce John keeps stealing her old pair.

So, share her! No fighting over her or tugging at her because then I will have to take her away and then you will be sorry. Don't make me pull this blog over!