I chewed off all of my fingernails on Monday. I usually only do that when I am nervous or upset about something. When Tisha had her surgery I didn't have any nails left. I don't even know I am doing it until after they are gone. I was a nail chewer as a child. That started about the time I got rid of my ulcer. Not pleasant. My ulcer went away and I was left without nails in its lieu.
I was talking to Sherry tonight and she said she knew I wasn't quite myself the last few days. I had sounded a little off. I know I have had moments when I felt off. I think I am having a little battle of the hormones and the hormones are winning. One minute I feel great, not a care in the world and the next the weight of the world is upon me. I know in a couple of days it will pass only to return next month and possibly the month after that....but for the time being it is just friggin' annoying. I have found myself crying while watching the Katrina coverage on TV. Usually I just feel sympathy for disaster victims and do not turn into an open faucet. They are in my prayers.
I had a couple of long talks with friends this afternoon, a couple of emails this evening, a few more calls and that really helped me. It always does. Sometimes I wonder, how in the world was such a goofy girl like me, blessed with such wonderful, understanding, wise, and uplifting people. You know who you are and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You keep me level, you keep me informed, you keep me growing....bless you a million times over.
I just realized that the rash I had on my arm when I woke up this morning...well, its back. I have no idea what it is from or why it comes and goes. Let's hope it is gone today. (It is after midnight after all) I'm going to be going into the City, unless it rains. I don't want to be walking around looking freaky. No comments from the peanut gallery.
I'm restless tonight. I'm upset. I'm tired. I'm tired of so much more that lack of sleep and its upsetting me further. I know, I know, don't let things bog you down. Cindy, you are right.... chin up, the sunshine will show its self again tomorrow. There are only a few rain clouds in the way, and they too shall pass. They have before and they will again. Isn't that what is so special about life? If seek a brighter path....you will find it.
2 comments:
Really don't let things get you down, just do the best you can do and that's all you can ever offer and all anyone can expect. I know you are kind and have a good heart. I wouldn't love you if you didn't. The rain isn't always a bad thing, it helps us grow and sometimes it's nice to just settle in and listen to it beat against the windows and roof. All the stuff in my life I thought would kill me has only made me stronger and there have been more than a few times when I wanted to curl up and die. When I first moved to the city, I had no job with only enough money in savings to pay one months rent. I slept on the hardwood floor in a sleeping bag and all I had was a borrowed lamp (hard to believe I know considering all the junk I have now but tis true) and all I could afford to eat was Top Ramen every day, I could not even afford to buy Diet Coke and I cried myself to sleep each and every night. I was so scared, I didn't tell anybody how hard it was, not my family or my friends because I didn't want any pity. I could have run back home but I didn't, I toughed it out and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. Not the easiest but the best. The thing is life throws us crap cards sometimes but you just keep your chin up and bluff your way through. My mom always says "To fake it til you make it". Life is just too damn short. This is long I know, but I wanted to tell you I think you're great, and don't beat yourself up about anything. You're a strong enough person to change the things you can, let go of the things you can't and smart enough to know the difference.
You know what the problem is? I really thought that FINALLY this really long storm was almost over, I could see blue sky agaian. Just when I get comfortable with that idea and start feeling settled the winds shifted and turned back in my direction. I think I was just really tired and that never helps...plus I feel a bit raw right now. I'll be alright. The flowers will look lovely after everything passes. I know that...I do...I really do.
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