How to embarrass my Sister....lesson #1

It's a true story. It's a little vulgar but its true. All I have to do is say one little sentence to stop her in her tracks and have her sputter out an excuse so quickly, it will make your head spin. This is what I say: "Oh yeah, well, you shit on my turtle!" Technically, she did poop on my turtle. The turtle, however, was a stuffed animal, not a real live turtle. In her defense, she was still in diapers and she had diarrhea. She sat on the stuffed turtle and her little diaper leaked. Mom had to toss my poor turtle out. Yeah, he was in pretty bad shape.
She gets so irritated with me when I blurt out that phrase. In my defense, I only use it when I am cornered and she is attacking me in the company of strangers. It's not often that I can stop my Sister in her tracks. She is a spit-fire, I'm the object of her flame. In the last 10 years or so I have learned to be a bit more smart-mouthed and I can usually protect myself, as a kid it was a different story. I was pretty much helpless, or pathetic, depending on how you look at it. Then it happened, she was verbally bashing in my skull and in a moment of genius I nailed her to the wall. I don't remember the exact phrase I used, but I stopped her in her tracks. She was speechless, probably because I had never been quick enough to spar with her before. I think it was more a matter of me being kind hearted that quick whitted. Enough was enough. After standing there, speechless for a little bit, my sister gave me props for my smart mouthed comment. A real first for me. That was just the beginning of the fun. Now, I'm not saying that I am always up to speed. I have to be in the right mood, the right frame of mind and I usually don't say half the things that I am thinking. You should be very happy to hear that.